The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I attended a great birthday meeting tonight. It was great for me to get out. I could have found a million excuses not to go... I'm stressed, tired, I had worked earlier today at my second part-time job, then when to an exercise class... I had laundry to do at home, I should get my lunches ready for the week... blah blah blah.
But I'm glad I went. We had three great birthday shares tonight, and it was a breath of fresh air to remember that recovery is available to me if I just make a tiny bit of effort to reach out for it.
I've been slowly announcing my decision for divorce among my friends and family. I feel like I want to take cautious, conscious steps while I'm doing this. I can easily border on making a martyr of myself depending on who I announce it to, and what kind of mood I'm in when I do. That, and I could easily border on spewing nasty things about my husband, and I really don't think that serves any purpose at all.
But it's so nice to be reminded that I can share the load with the right people. And by talking about things, I open doors to many opportunities.
Case in point is that I'm either going to try to find a roommate to share the place my husband and I have been renting, or move out on my own, too. My husband is moving out, period, so there's not a matter of us bickering over who gets to maybe stay and find a roommate. But it was nice, because one of my Al-Anon friends might possibly be looking for a place to move, as she's going through a divorce, too. And another Al-Anon friend has a place that she rents out, whose tenant just gave his 30-day notice, so she may have a place for me to move.
I love watching all these doors open and watching God work in my life. It couldn't happen, though, if I chose to stay clammed up about what's going on. I'm sure I'd find a solution somehow, but it's fun watching God play the "door number one, or door number two?" thing with me.
I've also decided to let part of my extended family know what's happening with me. They're not in recovery, but I know they care about me. My immediate family knows already, along with my best friend who's practically my sister.
I think I'm just determined not to keep things a secret, but as I said earlier, I don't want to get all dramatic about it. I know I should tread lightly. I'll feel better about myself if I do.
It seems like you are doing good and that you are aware of the danger of making things worse for yourself. I think this outlines much of what we learn in Al-Anon. I recognise myself in what you say about "depending on who I announce it to". We may not be able to control people to react as we want to things, but we can influence other peoples thinking. If our intentions are of selfish reasons it will backfire, and cause chaos.
I myself is in a place where I'm not allowed to have any contact with my ex-girlfriend who is in recovery. I know many of her friends in AA and see them when I go to Al-Anon meeting that is in the room next door at the same time. I have had to stop myself from talking to them. It would be so easy for me to say something with the intentions that they would see things my way or even talk to my ex and make her understand. This is so unlikely to work. I know it, but the temptation of doing what I know will backfire is big. It's insane, lol.
Glad you are feeling better. And I hope you will be happy wherever you decide to live. When I read your post I though, maybe God have opened doors for me too? I might just have failed to see them.
Best wishes
Cosmos
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If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
Yep sounds like HP at work to me. Amazing what happens when we let go let god. I struggle with that one. I always think that I am in control when really I am not. I do know that I have to do some leg work in order to get where I need to be. I too can think of all the excuses in the world NOT to do things. It's nice when we decide to do it anyways and the outcome is always pleasant.
I usually keep silent about things too. I don't know if it's because I don't like confrontation. Or is it perhaps I think that there will be confrontation if I say what needs to be said? I'm learning that lesson right now. I'm glad you are doing so well. Continued success. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Transitions are difficult. I know untying all the loose ends for me took a long time. The emotional ties were there for a long long time well years after I left the ex A.
I agree with you on watching HP work in your life. When I have those moments it is like I can hear him saying I really am here, I really do love you and you need not worry.
It's in those moments that I know I am really doing well because I have to be in a good place to see and hear my HP.
Keep on taking care of you.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I can relate to getting things out in the open. For years I covered up the fact that my AH was alcoholic. I made excuses, invented imaginary illnesses to explain his absence at family events, and even tried to hide the fact he had been admitted with alcohol related problems ti the hospital in which I work!
However, when I finally "came out" to friends and colleagues, I found nothing but empathy and support. So many people also had an A in their family and knew exactly how I felt. My A wasn't too pleased that I told family and friends the real reason behind his "turns" and illnesses but, I did it for me, not him.
You are obviously doing so well and doing things just for you now - so well done - you are amazing.
I'm learning that lesson right now. I'm glad you are doing so well. Continued success. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
