The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was having a bad morning of arguments about money with my AH, and Carol Burnett happened to come on a morning talk show with Bonnie Hunt. They talked about Carol's daughter, Carrie Hamilton, who as you may know died of cancer at 38 (after overcoming multiple addictions, BTW). She told a story about a nurse who marveled at Carrie's positive attitude while in the hospital getting chemo. She told Carol that Carrie actually cheered HER up sometimes, and that she asked Carrie how she did it. Carrie said, "I wake up every day and make the decision that today I will love my life."
If Carrie Hamilton could love her life while in a hospital bed undergoing chemo and facing an unlikely future, I sure can give it a try.
Before alanon I too believed I could think my way into happiness but was very wrong. I needed the constructive tools of alanon to get me there. My negative attitudes were so enrenched that thinking positive did not touch the deep dark negative attitudes of my soul.
The tools that worked for me were: Living one day at a time, Focusing on myself, praying, stopping gossiping, and criticism , working the steps . Without these tools my Happiness and joy were all of the surface kind and did not effect my attitude or interactions.
First is the decision to have a better life, to be happy, to be comfortable in my own skin - then I use the tools of the 12 step program to help me get there.
I truly believe it is 100% a choice. I make the choice to be happy. I am not always happy, life happens, but realizing I am not in control of anything other than myself and I am allowed to be unhappy, and that there are steps I can take back to happiness is such a wonderful thing. I know that this too shall pass. I know I am human, make mistakes and stumble.
Thank you both for the great reminder. I needed it today.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I most definitely can't think myself positive. I could never make the choice either to choose to be happy because of course I had not accepted my life on any level. I know many people including my roommates and my ex A who put on a great show of being happy and upbeat, beneath that is a seas of resentment, need and manipulation. That's why so many people think its the wife of the alcoholic who has the problem they look so good for so long!
For me happiness has had to come from a spiritual awakening and a strict adherence to this program. Happiness for me is hard work, a work out by the minute to choose where my thoughts go rather than sinking them.
I don't for a minute think I could have performed that kind of work out without doing a lot of grief work, having support and help to accept and own the anger, sadness and frustration that swallowed me whole.
ESSGEE1952: THAT IS WHAT I AM THINKING! JUST TAKE LIFE & LOVE IT AS BEST AS YOU CAN! THERE ARE SO MANY INSPIRATIONS IN OUR LIVES WE JUST NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR EXAMPLES! HOOT
I can relate to choosing to be happy. I've been asked how I stay happy in spite of my medical condition and vision loss. I usually tell people that I know I can have these problems and be miserable, full of self pity and angry it happened to me or I can decide I want to be as happy as i can be today. While I am answering them inside I am thanking this program for teaching me to fake it til I make it, because that is where it came from. And each day i faked it, that happy feeling and the will to stay positive has become more and more of a habit. A good habit. No illusions, there are days and moments I am not happy but if I have the choice I will choose to be happy or at least peaceful.
This is interesting...I didn't expect to ignite a debate or to be judged whether I or someone else was "right." Just thought it was inspirational and wanted to share. To be honest, this is what keeps me at arm's length from Al Anon -- for so many people, it's the Al Anon way or the highway. I am a firm believer in using whatever gets me through the day regardless of the source.
Carrie said, "I wake up every day and make the decision that today I will love my life."
If Carrie Hamilton could love her life while in a hospital bed undergoing chemo and facing an unlikely future, I sure can give it a try.
((( essgee ))) It looks to me like everyone is agreeing with what you said, essgee. You are not being judged or debated, we are sharing our ESH with you. Take what you like and leave the rest. I also say, use what works for you - the tools can change at times in the process. Alanon is all about you and what works for you.
I did not try to love myself until I was 38 and it was terrifying but one day at a time, it got deeper. I have also loved myself by establishing boundaries. I started with kind, gentle and logical ~ I deserve my very best love. First I had to get willing to open my mind and become teachable. Practised focusing on me. I too had to learn to accept my self and other people's choices in their lives, face my issues, live & be present in NOW, forgive myself and grieve tons, surrendering to HP/god the whole way - practising being loving and loving myself, faith, understanding, loving detachment over others (as I'm codependent) forgiveness, patience. They're all action words/verbs. It is something I have to do to have. It works when I work it.
I think this was a fantastic post/thread. tyVm It is inspirational and hopeful - awesome!
I grew up watching the Carol Burnett show, always loved her!
-- Edited by kitty on Sunday 23rd of May 2010 07:35:58 AM
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Even if someone does not have the same experience it does not matter! This board is to let stuff out, share, all kinds of things.
I do relate to what you are saying. My weight has gone up and down in my life. I was afraid to wear shorts. I finally said to heck with it, I have legs. Went to the local lamb and wool fair and saw a gal with only one leg, in shorts...
For me learning how to react or not react has been huge in my life. People may say something mean, inside I am thinking wow you must be so miserable inside.
If I do wake up feeling icky, sometimes I just have to choose the fact that I am depressed, go with it as best i can.I cannot change it. What i can do is eat right, drink water, go for a walk or something. Put one foot in front of the other.
I learned this skill here. Not reacting to the A. I chose to say, oh? I wouldn't make that choice, but its up to you of course.
Or hmmmm you must be right.
I think it is wonderful you heard that and it helped you. Sometimes I wake up feeling so lonely and horrible, then I think how can this be there are six dogs in my bed and a cat....?
Well I can tell ya this, no matter how many animals love me, none take the place of a husband! surprise surprise..
It's interesting how people interpret what she said so differently. I thought her comment didn't have anything to do with happiness or self love. To me, she was making a positive statement about her life itself, problems and all. My take was that just as you can be unhappy with certain aspects of something - such as a child's misbehavior - you still love that child. To me it was much deeper than trying to choose to be happy.
I think I have been taking loving my life for granted. For so long I was scared of my life and the directions it was heading. When I made changes to a life I could love I was so vigilant about keeping it that way. It seems now that loving my life has become like an old pair of shoes that I take for granted. Instead my daily decisions are about being happy and fulfilled with whatever may be going on around me. Or accepting and participating in my sadness, pain, fear etc by giving it the time to heal and moving on back to being happy.
It is interesting how everyone finds different meaning in a comment. That concept is what has always made me like posting on MIP's message board. Each post whether I agree or not gives me a point to meditate on and find my own answers or new directions to better myself. Thank you for the reminder to shine up my old comfortable shoes
