The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am finding that self pity is my alcohol. If I go into that space which I can very quickly as its almost a reflex I'm done for. I live around roommates who live, eat and sleep self pity and resent everything and everyone. Needless to say I once fit in very nicely with them since I blamed, resented and railed day and night.
Of course now I no longer "fit in" I'm public enemy number one. Somehow they make it out that I am a criminal (I had dog air in the trap int he dryer -a capital offence if there was one!). I'm gone all day at work but somehow they make out I am a real diversion for them and their troubles which they obsess over day and night.
As I have a program I am able to let it all go and for the most part rise above it. Nothing I do or say will influence their grievances which are largely made up, exagerated and fed by the hour. I can be in their space over reacting to their over reactions in a second and I choose actively not to.
At the same time I have an optimal mirror for where self pity can get me, bitter, depressed, anxious and blaming.
Right now I have to monitor my self pity status by the hour. The more I monitor it the better my attitude and the better my day is.
Of course I have grief, sadness and anger about the ex A and our tragic life together. I also have many many feelings about being poor, isolated and without resources. I just have to be careful none of those emotions lead to terminal self pity.
Okay maybe its my time to be a prop...I know that an attitude of gratitude works best for me when the SelfPity Flu comes around and sometimes I've even gotta commit the things I'm grateful for down on paper. Thanks for your support cause you and the MIP family are on my own gratitude list. That makes feeling sorry for my self very very improbable. Ain't gonna happen. ((((hugs))))
At the same time I have an optimal mirror for where self pity can get me, bitter, depressed, anxious and blaming.
Hi Maresie
Great share and insight. My alcohol was self pityas well and that was followed by anger, resentment, and the biggie fear. I lived that way for many years and found I ended up desperate and needing alanon because nothing else worked. Thank You HP for Alanon
Maresie, You are growing so much and are so right. I found that unless I watch myself carefully I can easily slip back to old attitudes,. That is why the alanon slogans and living one day at a time is so important.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 22nd of May 2010 08:13:23 AM
I have seen you come way to far to let this get to you, ignore them comes to my mind....I know the problem of having limited resourses trust me....you will be fine just keep working your program and keep moving forward..
thank you all for your feedback. I know there is no good solution to dealing with alcoholics and addicts acting out. I do avoid the roommates as much as possible. I rarely go beyond hello and goodbye with any of them. Nevertheless their chaos, projections and need to blame others persists.
