The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can't handle the the "small things" that seems to be so important to other people, if their food order isn't just right, if the pens they ordered were blue instead of black, who left the light on in the room, my child got a "B" in chemistry instead of an "A" and that is totally unacceptable, my daughter can't choose which prom dress to buy and I can't sleep until she picks one, etc., etc., etc.
Blah, blah blah.
I want to run far far away where drug addiction can't reach me, I want to start my life over and pretend this horrible thing never happened to my son. I want to laugh again and enjoy my life like I did once upon a time, but I never will.
Please don't give up!!!!!!! I know how hard it is living with addiction.......it is in fact hell......I promise you if you work a program just for you there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
By the grace of god so far my kids are not addicts, I was married to one for a long long time, it took his life and I wanted to go right with him....
It took me almost 3 yrs......however, I have rejoined the human race....and it's a nice place to be.
There is no normal, there can be peace in your heart.....where there is life there is hope no matter how hopeless the life you are living seems.........you are not alone.....
You are not alone and I can really identify. This is a very painful road we travel and when we hear others complaining about simple issues it is frustrating.
Alanon tools do help to make life more manageable. Please come here often, try to get to meetings, make alanon calls, focus on yourself , live one day at a time and pray.
((((((((((Dreamsover))))))))))))), Oh there have been days when I would have joined you in that desire, but today I know that running wouldn't help because I would still be there. I have been affected by this horrible disease so some of the problems would still come with me. I am an addict magnet so even if I ran I would find new addicts.
So my only option that makes sense is to recover it I want things to be different.
Vent as often as you need to. We are here for you. You are not alone.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I got permission to take time out and I did and I still do at times. Being present at times only means being in my skin and not being in my skin "out there". Out there is crazy and confusing and scary and its okay to come in from the pain. I stay hooked to my HP and the program and shelter myself cause if I don't sometimes it ends up bad for me and I don't have a lot of room left over for bad. So I come in from the pain; stick with HP and enjoy the quiet as much as I can.
You're not alone Dreams...you're being supported. Let the program carry some of the weight.
Dreamsover, its really hard to respond, because I dont want to relate to it, about how you have expressed how I have felt for many many years. It brought tears to my eyes. I sometimes seem to be outside myself, observing everyone like Im invisible.
I have divorced the XAH, after living with it for 26 years, those days of wanting to withdraw are far and few between, but I have to say, at least for me anyway , that the reality of our lives are that we have been touched by addiction and has affected my life in such a way still, that I will never be the same woman.
Yes, people who have not experienced living with addiction, their problems do seem frivolous when compared to such a horrible disease, as it would be for anyone who has any destructive disease in their family.
Thats where our HP comes in, we have to establish a relationship with it. We have to keep encouraging ourself, we have to be vigilent, somedays we have to go with it, but we must not wallow in it. Our birth right is that we deserve to be happy and joyful. Don't let this disease take you with it. Keep coming back and dont give up, no matter what. Wishing you hope, courage and strength. Luv, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Tuesday 18th of May 2010 01:10:30 AM
(((((((((((Dreams)))))))))))), I hear you and understand. Well done for bringing it here and not isolating with your thoughts.
I am trying hard to reconstruct myself in Alanon, from rock bottom up, I do my best to avoid people, places and things that cause me to relapse, and your post has made me realise I am also avoiding the people places and things I need for my recovery. I have been hiding this last week because the struggle to come out of it seemed too hard, Ive felt battered by life recently, and in my stinking thinking all the good things were happening to other people while Im sitting projecting on all the bad things that havent yet and may never happen........ the disease was winning....again.
Today you shared what I needed to hear to make me do what I need to do. I know when I step out of the disease and into my f2f meeting, or come here, Im with people who understand why Im doing what Im doing, saying what Im saying and when I pick up the tools again they give me the strength and courage to step back into living.
You responded to my last post so you know I was making a bedtime gratitude list.......I started off doing it through gritted teeth and ended up as I always do with my little g-daughter at the forefront of my mind. She needs a healthy Granny..........who else is going to teach her to sing all the Beatles songs!!
So heres my hand, hold tight, lets jump back into living...........odat.
