The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm grateful for it; the program, and the people in it and for the recovery and growth. At times I'm even grateful for the hard work and as I remembered this morning before going to make my apology my early sponsor reminding me "liking it is optional". I don't like it when others come after me and call me on my crap and I like it even less when I do it to myself as a program of honesty. I knew before I started the inventory that it would have to end in an apology for "my part". I knew that there would be a whole handful of "buts" I'd have to get by; those justifications and rationalization that make what I did and how I did it alright and put me on the ladder of dominance over others and the program. It wasn't hard...I have the practice and it was tedious because I have learned that if I gloss over the work and use nonchalance and diminish the seriousness of what I had done to another person the next event was on the horizon and would not be able to make out who the victim would be. "It's not required that I like it." It is required that I reach out and listen to others who have the wisdom to freely give me and which brings me back to solid, safer ground.
Last nights step and traditions mens only meeting was on step one...HP placed 3 other recovering brothers in my path on the way to the apology and then the target of the apology as the 9th step recommends. The apology is made and the amends is on going. I have to learn and practice that which keeps me out of HP's work. I do HP work soooo poorly. "The courage to change the thing I can"...me and the wisdom to know the difference. I don't change others when I've eased God out (ego) not for the better. I need to back off...get put back in the box...go sit in the class room and let the teacher teach.
So I'm gratefully reminded of another thing a sponsor taught me..."first thing in the morning when you wake up and place your feet on the floor, kill your ego and crush your pride." Shouldn't be hard to do cause I can do that to others from time to time. Problem is I get to feel large pain from it most.
Thanks for 12 stepping me MIP family...without your support I'd likely never have done what it is that I didn't like to do.
((((((((Jerry))))))))))), But I want to like it if I have to do it .
You my friend have an amazing program and I am so grateful that you are a part of this family. Otherwise I would miss out on the ESH you so freely share with us.
We learn from our mistakes, we grow and continue in the journey to become the best people we can be. That's what we are here for.
I always appreciate your honest shares and just get so much out of them.
You are an amazing work in progress and I am glad that I am able to learn from it.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I don't like it eithah, but then I remember that this "recovery thingy" is about me, all about me. Well let me rephrase that, it's all about me and my HP, when my EGO gets in the way, I am Edging God Out.
love in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I agree, liking it is optional but since this is an action program DOING it is essential.
I have learned to do many things I did not want to do nor like doing on this Journey but I am OH so grateful that I have learned how to be humble enough to do them!!!
Always love your Post... Your ESH is out of this world... Your Journey even better ;)
Thanks for being here as well, and helping us "beginners" learn how to get by, I know i am one of the many that is truly grateful & blessed to have such a "Spiritaul" being in my Program...
I've certainly put my foot in it many a time. I tend to either go underboard or over board. Finding a medium is something that requires experimentation. Thanks for sharing your process.
I don't have to like it - RIGHT NOW - but I'm pretty sure I'll like the end result IF I walk the walk. What a great reminder for me to surrender my will - better yet, realign it with my HP's will for me - and to keep on practicing doing the next right thing.
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