The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I have written about earlier the contact is broken between me and my ex-girlfriend. I am feeling very down these days but have managed to not contact her. I have had countless times I almost sent her a text, an e-mail or phoned her. But I am more aware of my actions now, and I can see that every time it has been because of some excuse that would probably have caused unwanted concecvenses...
Anyway, my problem is todays meeting which is in the same place at the same time as an AA meeting that my ex-girlfriend goes to. I am vorried about seeing her. If she see me and ignore me - how do I react? If she see me and speak to me - what do I do then?
I am also worried that my reasons for going to that meeting is not right. She might not be there, in which case I will probably feel dissapointed. This is however the only meeting I can go to where there is other young people. I want to be able to go there.
Yet another problem is that my ex-girlfriend is almost like a AA celebrety, meaning that there is people in both Al-Anon meetings I go to that know who she is. This is also the case with a woman I feel could potentially be my temporary sponsor. Probably not a good idea since she knows my ex-girlfriend though...
Otherwise I find comfort in the program every day. I consult it every time before I act on something which is in the greysone when I ask myself of my intentions...
Thanks for being here
Are
__________________
If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
I am glad that you are posting and sharing your concerns. I can feel your dedication and determination.
I always found that "Examining my Motives" (a tool I heard in your post) was a very powerful help in deciding my actions.
Remember to Live One Day at a Time, Live and Let live and Let GO and Let God. If this is an important meeting to you for your recovery, ask HP for the courage, serenity and wisdom to show up and handle the situation in an appropriate manner.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 16th of May 2010 09:13:11 AM
I will go today, despite the many "worst case scenarios going around in my head. Whenever I think I can predict the future the future always turns out different.
I miss my ex-girlfriend so much, but I know that what I miss has not really been there for a long long time. I kept holding onto a dream that moved further and further away from reality. I am mad at myself for not being able to be friends with her. I had the opertunity, but blew it.
One of my biggest fears when it comes to girls that I like is that they will see me as "a brother" or "a best friend". This almost always happens to me when I try to make an impression on girls, lol. They really like me, but want to go out with the guys who either, ignore them, is full of themselves or don't treat them as well as they deserve.
I am a scientist, but with human emotions, there is no such thing as logic at work. I guess a HP is needed to understand that bit of the universe, lol.
Are
-- Edited by Cosmos on Sunday 16th of May 2010 09:51:43 AM
-- Edited by Cosmos on Sunday 16th of May 2010 09:52:44 AM
-- Edited by Cosmos on Sunday 16th of May 2010 09:53:12 AM
__________________
If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
Cosmos...I love this thread and your reaching out with your new honest awareness and the responses you have gotten. This is how it's done one day at a time. The mutual love and support will get you thru this like it has us. We were where you are at right now in some way shape and form...When we Identify it is with a "Been there and done that" awareness and reliving it with you is additional recovery as we explore and find additional tools. Awesome how this works even with a scientist. Your understanding about what goes on in your head is right on...What goes on there is based on False Evidence and when you add Appearing Real an acronym of F E A R comes up. That helped me so much because so much of this disease of addiction is centered around fear; fear of, fear from, fear to fearful about. There is sooooo much more to learn and you have to hit the meetings and keep coming back to learn it elsewise the only thing I default to is that old non-working method of living my life.
I am grateful for your share here. Mahalo Nui (Thanks Much) (((((hugs)))))
AA celebrity , no such animal , Our programs are anonymous anything u say in a meeting should stay there .. No one keeps me from attending the meetings I enjoy , as for seeing your ex , give her a smile and a nice to see you and be on your way . As for a sponsor it is suggested that we do not sponsor people of the oposite sex for obvious reasons , keep going to meetings u will find the right person eventually. goodluck Louise
Hi When I said AA celebrity, what I really meant was that my ex girlfriend know many of the people in both AA and Al-Anon. These people also know very well who I am, partially because I have been to AA meetings with her before and from her shares about her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. I am not worried about gossip, more my own ability to manipulate people around her outside the meeting. Left on my own devices, there is almost nothing I would not do to get back together with my ex-girlfriend.
I went to the meeting. It was really good, but when it was over one of the Al-Anon members whispered in my ear that my ex-girlfriend was standing right outside the door. I felt an instant urge to rush out to see her, but stayed in the room until I felt sure she had left.
As I walked to find my bike I walked past a restaurant where I used to go with my ex-girlfriend. And yes, she was there. Smiling and talking to her friends from AA. I hoped that she would not see me, but she did. She looked straight into my eyes. I felt terrified! Not sure what I was afraid of, but I walked even faster to my bike and made it home.
When I was home I kept thinking that she looked nice and happy, and maybe she was better off without me I miss her, but I do wish the best for her, even if it means to be without me.
Then she texted me!!! AAAAH!!! She said that it must have felt awful for me to see her out having fun, but she said I didnt have to worry, because she is not! Strange, because I do want her to be happy Then the end of the text was not to reply to it, because we should not have contact. I didnt, but five minutes later she phoned me. I almost let it go to my answer machine, but picked up.
She then said she was sorry for presuming she knew how I felt. We talked a bit, and then she again pointed out that we should not talk. I said ok, we better stop this conversation now then, she started crying and we hang up.
I am not sure what all this means at all. But I know I stopped myself from grabbing hold of her when I had the chance. I so much wanted to talk more, but as long as she says we should not, she will call it a mistake later and new arguments are born.
Going to that meeting turned out to be very hard. I dont know if I can go next Sunday. I have to think about it. The meeting was really good though, and I didnt think that my ex-girlfriend was next door because it was so consuming.
I really think AA and Al-Anon meetings should be a bit more separate. There must be tons of other cases where this becomes a problem for people?
Anyway, as a scientist I also value proof. In Al-Anon I have seen many proofs that the program works. I believe in it and will continue to work it, even if I have to go back to that meeting again.
Are
__________________
If we try to judge another person using ourselves as a reference, we forget that we are all different. Where is the justice in that?
what a difficult task to keep up with someone who blows hot and cold. I remember well having such encounters with the ex A. I also remember being absolutely enmeshed with his family, friends and accomplices.
Al non can indeed help you with detachment and focus on yourself. The meetings here are wonderful. Certainly you will not encounter your girlfriend there!
One of the things that really helped me and still does is to work on not knowing. The less I know the better the complete opposite of my attitude my entire life. I have not seen or spoken to he ex A for years now. I do that one day at a time. I could not have embraced or imagined a life without knowing how he was, whether he needed me or what he was doing.
Al anon is miracle. I hope you will use all the program tools you can get a hold of.
She then said she was sorry for presuming she knew how I felt. We talked a bit, and then she again pointed out that we should not talk. I said ok, we better stop this conversation now then, she started crying and we hang up.
I am not sure what all this means at all. But I know I stopped myself from grabbing hold of her when I had the chance. I so much wantedto talk more, but as long as she says we should not, she will call it a mistake later and new arguments are born.
Dear Are
Thank you again for the update on your meeting I know it was stressful but it sounds as if you managed it successfully. I copied a portion of you posting because I was so impressed with your recovery and the clarity you have experienced in such a short time. YOu are focused on yourself, your motives, your thoughts and although you can sense and feel you want something(to grab hold and talk more) you are using your tools and LETTING GO. WOW!!!
Keep taking care of you. You are a great example that this program works if you work it.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 16th of May 2010 08:03:20 PM
I kept holding onto a dream that moved further and further away from reality. I am mad at myself for not being able to be friends with her. I had the opertunity, but blew it.