The material presented
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level.
Duh!! ...It's a compulsion of the mind dang it!! Repeat that 1000 times and practice it twice that amount. Oh I had wonderful aim and I knew it was gonna hurt and be a mangled mess but I was compulsed to do it and stay in it until he (an alcoholic with a personality bent) got it!! I tried. I gave him all the best I have been given over 31 years in 10 minutes (Yay!! crapolla). I gave it all knowing that it wouldn't work and that he is exactly the same personality which has been standing in front of me for the past year plus.
I got that hook and sank it all the way pass the barb until it wasn't that I had caught the fish but the fish had caught me. Oh I got me real good again. Splendid work...intently caring...all the fixing tools I thought I'd sold in a garage sale or given away or thrown in the dump.
An there it was I was listening to and watching the body language as a continuation of the last time. I did so well his own sponsor who was there felt the need to call me and ask me if I was alright!! LOLOLOL. His sponsor a friend came over and we talked and he gave me a run down on his sponsee and some of the difficulties he has...which I was already aware of and had convinced myself I could get past it all and fix anyway. There is no such thing as fix anyway. I have a couple of sponsors who have passed on and I just bet they are watching with HP and laughing, laughing, laughing.
So it's progress never perfection. Let go means Let go absolutely and let God completely. I coulda used an air gun instead I used a bazooka and my foot is a mess. On top of this I have an apology to make to this guy; honest and SHORT!! and I'm glad the hook came out without too much permanent damage. It's over...I'm not blaming God or anyone else...come to think of it his sponsor and I talked about spiritual awakenings and you can have one from a bazooka blast to the foot HUH? DUH!! No program vacation for me. Looking forward to the new Mens' Only Steps and Traditions meeting tomorrow night.
Always grateful that MIP is here for me to listen to. I'm listening...Teach me Teach me!! (((((hugs)))))
hehe, I love your post. And your reminder, "Let go means Let go absolutely and let God completely." Every day, I need that reminder.
I need al-anon because people don't act the way I want 'em to act. It's true. My well-being can still be dependent on how other people act. And people don't operate on my timeline either. (I think I would make such a good god!) My brain still likes to tell me that I can still fix people.... especially if I am clever enough! (ooooh, my ego likes to believe it's clever.)
Yep, I still go there, currently, I'd like to "fix" a man to suit my needs. Even though by now, I know..... whenever I want to "fix" someone, the one who needs fixin' .... is ME. (My poor, poor ego. Apparently, it must do these things to try to keep itself alive!! Right?)
I don't think your angel-sponsors are laughing, Jerry, I think they know you're only human. Perfectly imperfect. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
God never promised easy, just company. And, I love your company, my friend. ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
We never get it so well that even when we veil our fixing/comtrolling in the shroud of the program, that it's not still fixing/controlling.
I received that awareness with a knock to my head and asked the oldtimers in my group why somebody didn't tell me that in the first place!
I have a few oldtimer alanon friends that go quickly to telling me what I "should" be doing in my recovery. They have drifted away from ESH and gone to, I've been around a long time so I know....After feeling very uncomfortable with this, and beginning to want to fight back, I now ask as kindly as I can if they have a sponsor. Many of them do not...They are intrigued why I would ask....but I leave it there.
well bud, I say, forgive yourself! Love yourself. Go look at first Corin. 13 4-8. Then love yourself like that.
lol As always one is too hard on himself! So you are humble enough to say oops I sorta blew it! And GO ON and get an ice cream cone with a grandkid and mellow out!
Not like you were a turkey to a person at the airport! lol lol
Laugh at you. I do. (c:< kidding of course. Laugh with you. I am sorry sponsors have passed on. That would be a hard one to lose someone one is bonded to and trusts.
Jerry you are under pressure about your friend. What is happening there? it is no wonder you are feeling like you want to "help" someone.
Seriously, I goof then after a bit I laugh at myself.
I was mopping and hit the pipe that brings water to the toilet. I LOST IT. Was insanely freaked! Just a first reaction. I was soaking wet trying to figure out what to do as my house is pretty fastly getting wet!
Stuck my finger in the pipe. Thought ok how do I turn off the water to the house? duh! The pump house. Turned it off really got a good mopping this time...Why didn't I just push the stupid pipe down so it would not spray into the house???/
I just laughed at myself after I realized I just blew it and reacted before i thought.
Well I fixed it now.
Anyway there is a point here... can you find it??? I am too sleepy.
lol when I read the subject of the thread I was like WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh wow you have no idea how good your post was for me. I was right there with you, but last weekend not this one. In fact I can still see the hole where the hook was in me :).
Awareness is such a beautiful think even if it takes place after the fact. I can use it, learn from it, grow and hopefully catch myself before I get near that hook again.
Take care of you and your new meeting sounds like you are doing just that.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Hopefully you didn't let this person consume you and it didn't take very long for you to figure this one out....
You're a great person I see that and I've only been here for just a month! I hope you're not to down on yourself if it makes you feel better I get what your saying = )
It only takes one person, right?
You've personally reached out to help me so many times I'm forever grateful!
-- Edited by Hopeless on Sunday 16th of May 2010 06:42:06 AM
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
I love your honesty and humor. I agree I will never be recovered enough to not need meetings, sponsers, program and this Board. Your awareness and acceptance are awesome The action is planned !!!. What a great example of program at work. Still human after all these years!!! I find My weapons of choice continually circle around my head as an option . They are available any time I choose to use them but I am ever so grateful that MOST days I select my alanon recovery tools instead of the machine guns or bazooka.
There are days when I wish I could shrink you down and put you in my pocket. That way you could kick me when I need it!
Leave it to you to look for a life lesson when you hurt you foot. I remember when my Dad got a 4 pronged salmon hook in his eye. He was not looking for a life lesson then. (No pun intended.)
We do indeed need to let go and let God. I can let go okay but the other part I always seem to have trouble with. You remind me that it's not impossible even under the most trying of circumstances. Glad your foot is doing okay. Just promise me you won't go up on a roof for awhile. As always you are in my heart and my head. Thanks for another life lesson. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
When I came into the program the ladies in my meeting said we Al-Anoner's are all fixers. I thought they had to be talking about each other. I had always been a problem solver, one of the best at the trade, but not a fixer. What's a fixer? Not me! After a few meetings it started to slowly sink in------problem solver = fixer.... umm....swallow. Another watershed moment given free of charge by the program.
Thanks for you post. It reminded me as hard as I try there are times when the old problem solver in me creeps up to the surface. I remind myself that "silence is golden" but "duct tape is silver". And I say a prayer. HP please walk with your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. At best I don't always follow my instructions.
So Jerry don't worry about your foot---it will heal---please help me to get my foot out of my mouth that I inserted last week.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 16th of May 2010 05:51:07 PM
the blessing for me is in finding someting amiss in the kind of interaction your describe. My entire life was bondary blurring, over involvement and over reaction. These days I get to live a different live and I am grateful for that opportunity.
You never ceese to amaze me when I read your Post, you stick little messages in your post to offer "growth" to many here, I am so grateful that we all have such a place to "Regroup" and get our "insanity" released...
You always seem to bring it around, and quickly... That is something I admire about you... I am doing much better then times past on the recovery end for sure, I use to sit and stew on things for along long time before I could admit, face, and let it go... I have many ammends to make thats for sure, and alot of them are to myself...
Thanks for always being honest, also something i am not use too, I had to hide & shield my feelings growing up in an alcoholic home, and thanks to this program and wonderful people like you, I now know that I am Allowed to Be honest... at what ever the cost ;)
I find My weapons of choice continually circle around my head as an option . They are available any time I choose to use them but I am ever so grateful that MOST days I select my alanon recovery tools instead of the machine guns or bazooka.
