The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
1. Are we allowed to post on the AA board if we are not A?
The reason I ask is, my husband had another slip this week, even though he has started going to meetings again. When I came home from work the next day, he was in the basement, just beside himself, he says he doesn't know what's wrong with him and how he is letting himself get down to this low point again after all he has gone through, rehab, 90 in 90, all of that. He has not had a sponser up until this point and asked someone the other day, and has not got an answer from him. Just wondering what A's would suggest if getting a sponser seems to be difficult. I know this is completely his responsibility, but whether we remain together or not, I want him to be well for himself and for my kids.
I don't know about the AA board. Just my opinion (could be right or wrong, but my opinion), but these boards are intended to be a safe place where individuals experiencing similar things can go to share their experiences and gain insight into their own recovery. Since one person cannot do another person's recovery, regardless of the intentions, I do not understand what the purpose would be of posting on an AA message board.
The big book says that alcoholics can and will recovery when they are willing to go to any length. This is a powerful statement. ANY length includes seeking out a sponsor.
In no way do I intend my reply to be offensive. In my opinion, when the A has had enough pain, he or she will make the necessary changes to achieve sobriety. Seeking out a sponsor and making these changes are the A's sole responsibility.
It would always break my heart when my Tim would slip or completely relapse. Having said that I had to learn how to stay out of his recovery. You want to help them so badly.
Just like it would be inappropriate for him to choose a sponsor for you, the same is true for you. You can't make him get a sponsor. He has to do it for himself. The best and most supportive thing you can do for his recovery is to concentrate on your own. Turn him over to his HP. I will say an extra prayer for his recovery. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
-- Edited by Karilynn on Saturday 15th of May 2010 07:51:12 AM
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
As I understand the programs... Al-anon is for anyone affected by someone else ~ AA/NA is for those people that need support not using and all that goes with them, for them - the compuslion of having the addiction.
So, no, I dont think it is appropriate for you to post on the AA board, as u are not an addict/alcoholic. The A has to want to change and find recovery for themselves, we cannot do it for them, which is our problem/disease in the first place. We need to learn to focus on ourselves, not them. I encourage you to - take care of YOU, set and follow boundaries and learn to detach with love from his issue, the more we detach and get out of policing, monitoring and mothering them, the better able we are to be constructing and pro-active in our own lives.
The A's have to work on their own recovery and program, just like we need to. I even think in the first few years of recovery, it is good practise to keep your program seperate from each other - bc of all the past pains we feel. It allows us to work on our unresolved feelings - in peace and not have to JADE justify, argue, defend or explain why we are hurt or try to create guilt in the other person - which is manipulative.
We do have some double winners here (both A's and alanons) and they are asked to keep things related specificially to AA/NA seperate from the work/recovery they are doing in Al-anon.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I can certainly relate to being at my wits end around an alcoholic/addict. I did all the coaxing, sympathy, empathy, feeling bad for stuff. Nothing but nothing I did said or wished helped the ex A. He had to want to get sober on his own whatever was going on in his life. The ex A drank when he was a good roll (making lots of money and being popular, he drank when he was sad, he drank whatever the issue was.
I screamed, cajoled, obsessed about it all. I don't doubt he noticed. Some people do relapse a lot. There are plenty of people in the rooms who came back from relapse and got sober for years, your A is not alone on his path.
I would not suggest posting any kind of thread on another board. In fact I'd say personally I get into huge trouble if I go look at what ever someone else is doing/saying on another board and try to influence them from my own need.
1. Are we allowed to post on the AA board if we are not A?
Absolutely
AA and Alanon are full of what is known as "double winners" recovered/recovering alcoholics whose lives are affected by someone with a drinking problem. Over on the AA site we can tell you what we do for ourselves to stay sober and answer any questions you have about the disease of alcoholism or the recovery thereof.
That being said, here on the Alanon Site they can help you and tell you what they do for themselves in order to recover. They can help YOU, we keep that aspect totally seperate.
If I were to answer the rest of your post, I have to say I couldn't have put it any better then Karilynn, her experience matches mine exactly, the best thing I can do for any situation is to work on my own recovery and learn the answers I need for me, whether it be for my alcoholism or codepedency.
Aloha Mac...I like AGO an also a "double" and the AA site is an "open" site...you can get responses there and sometimes the responses will be to come here. I keep both of my progams completely separate. I deal with my compulsion to fix another person (especially the alcoholic) in Al-Anon. I deal with my compulsion to drink in AA. It is simpler for me to do it as suggested and it works better for me. It never worked that way for my alcoholic wife and others. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I love all the reponses you have received. I agree with the letting him work his program and you sticking to yours.
I just wanted to add that I have in the past posted on the AA board under the old name I had on this board too, Dolphin123. I recently actived the Mandy nick (lol which isn't really a nick since it is my name) on the AA board.
The AA board is as full of ESH as ours is. There is an amazing group of people there. I have responded of only a couple of threads there. I like reading the posts because not only can I really relate to most of what is shared, but it helps me with the understanding of my "A" much like an open AA meeting would.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
