The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Went to a funeral yesterday. He was one of my AH's best friends through high school. He would come to our house often to party but once my 2 children were like 6 and 3, I told my AH that it was him or us. I couldn't have that going on all the time with two small children. After that, we didn't see him much. At the time of his funeral, we hadn't seen him approx. 11-12 years. It was one of the saddest funerals I have ever attended. When I knew him, he was one of the funniest, kindest, and smartest people I knew. (I really liked him except when he was drunk) At his funeral, I looked at the snapshots of him and except for Christmas, there weren't many photos of him. And I thought, What did he do the other 364 days of the year? Did he have any friends or was he just alone? I was so saddened by this. This disease just destroys everything. He had so much potential and alcoholism stole it from him and stole him from us.
My AH had a really tough time. I think he realized that that could have been him in the coffin and not his old friend. It was an eye opener.
Last night he went to an AA meeting (which he really needed to attend) and I went to my first local F2F at alanon. I must say I was apprehensive and now I don't know why. It was good.
Sometimes for me the only angle I could take when looking thru the lens of alcoholism was dark, sad and angry and then when I did what my sponsor suggested "stand back from the picture...take your nose away from being so close...you can see more and you can find the gratitudes. Your husband went to a recovery meeting to keep himself sober and you went to an Al-Anon meeting to get yourself sane and serene. If you can keep doing that as an individual and as the partners in your marriage and family you will realize a life beyond your imagination. Watching all the miracles chokes me up with gratitude. Thank you HP, Al-Anon, AA and MIP. Free at last... (((((hugs)))))
Sometimes I go for a period of time without having to face up to the reality of alcholism as a fatal disease. Then I hear of someone going back out, and not making it back in. This last time, to paraphrase Captain Kirk, the lesson was paid for with "dearest blood". Even though he started drinking again a couple years ago, and disappeared from my life before that, I guess I thought he'd be back eventually. I miss him right now more than I did during the past few years. Just a flood of memories coming back. He disappeared around the time I first met my current wife, and that occupied me - but I always thought someday she'd get to meet this guy I talked about all the time. I don't feel like I've lost a friend, more like I've lost a brother. Let me tell you, it has put me back to basics in both my AA and Alanon programs.
Last week a friend of 30yrs was laid to rest. She babysat my son in the 70s, met up with him in rehab 18 mths ago.Recently placed a pillow under his drunken, homeless head, with love.....She worked her programme, protected her sobriety and walked away.
She had 2 years..... went out on a binge 2 weeks ago, had a brain bleed, spent 5 days in hospital then machines switched off.
Raw?....yes........ so grateful for the knowledge and tools.
I also attended one of those funerals.....mine was my husbands....the toll the alcohol took on his body was more than his body could handle.
I will say this.....there were very many pictures and he was smiling in each one of them I had pictures for 30 yrs of this wonderful mans life all with smiles from high school prom to coaching my son in little league....to standing with his daughter in a dance recitle.
I think the saddest thing of it all is most alcoholics are wonderful, kind and gentle people when sober....then the addiction takes over and they lose all....even their families, homes and everything that was so important to them life goes down with the bottle....and some just can not find the way back.
I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I recently went to the funeral of the wife of my Al Anon sponsor. She was a wonderful sweet person who just could not stay in her program and lost the battle with the disease. It is so sad. I know the day is fast approaching where I will be attending the funeral of one or both of my own parents who have done so much damage to their own bodies but also refuse to seek help or change their behavior. I'm really grateful for the Al Anon program and especially these boards. I can come here late at night when my fears are at their worst and can find fellowship and serenity. It really helps a lot.
