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My daughter had a seizure last night she had one before but this was the first time I actually witnessed it...
She has Febrile Seizures which means it's fever induced and now that she had her second it's almost a given that this will happen every time she gets a fever. The good news is they ususally grow out of this by the time they are 5...
Anyways,
I called the ambulance last night and he met us at the hospital we were home by 12am, everything was fine... He called me this morning asking if he could come over to help since he woke up late for work. I suggested that he call his boss tell him the situation and see what he could do, he called me back 5 min later and his boss was picking him up.. When he called back I could hear in his voice that he was mad probably for that fact that I didnt' beg him to come over and help me.... Basically he didn't get the reaction HE wanted so he started with the name calling, telling me that Al anon is brain washing me, telling me it's over if I continue to stay in the program... I explained to him ONCE that I've never been happier since being in the program and that is when he said "then this is not going to work"..... I'm telling him I'm happy and he is telling me "this is not going to work"?!?!?! There is obviously more to it he wanted me to help him find a new job and to allow him to use my car I said no to both which only added to his frustration...
Ugh, I'm just spent right now so thank you for allowing me to share! I'm trying my hardest not to react (which I didn't) and my main focus right now is my daughter but that F'er makes me so mad at times!!!! Detaching myself is definitely working and I'm slowly calming myself down I'm just exhausted = )
Thanks for letting me share!
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
Great job, especially under the circumstances. Our children suffering is one of the worst things a parent can endure. And even the smallest things can cause us so much pain - and this was a big one!!
It is pretty weird how people, even non-A's, want to help us, support us, see us happy - but in the end it really is about their happiness, not ours. I probably even do it and just don't see it.
We struggle with life circumstances and want assistance - love - support but it has to be on their terms and make them feel good. A lot of times it is not truly selfless love, support, and acceptance for who we are. It is exhausting, not helpful. In addition to our struggles we are now taking care of someone who is "helping" to make sure they get what they need as well.
Good job on not falling for his hurtful words and asking for exactly what you need - which in this case was nothing. You have this and he needs to take care of himself. Beautiful job under stressfull circumstances. Thank you for being such a wonderful teacher!
I learned a lot. We are here for you. Glad the little one is OK and VERY glad to hear this is something she will grow out of. Get some rest and hold her tight.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Yes, u are seeing in action - how when begin to change and assert yourself - the A does react bc they dont like change and want to maintain the status quo, so they can continue to be enalbed and do what they do. The work a long time to hone and groom us as enablers, they hate it when we change. It is all - control and manipulation.
Take care of YOU and focus on what u can do to allow you to feel better, today/right now. Detach from his issues and feelings, u can only feel-deal-heal YOU.
I am very glad that u are feeling happier, awesome progress!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Our A's don't always like the changes they see in us. We are getting healthier and they are not, sometimes they would like us to stay the way we were. You are proving once again, the program works if you work it. Keep taking care of yoursef first, that's the most important thing. You know why? If you don't you will won't be able to take care of those two beautiful children !!
How difficult when you need support he starts arguing. I've definitely been down that route.
I used to really swallow all the garbage the ex A projected on me. Can you not answer the phone if your daughter is ill. If you were at the hospital all night you deserve some sleep.
Aloha ((((Deana))) Wow girl, you're gonna have to change your login. That was strong recovery and from experience it is exactly what can help the alcoholic hit a bottom. You gave him the dignity of being responsible for his own choices and he might not know it now but you opened the door to his freedom from booze. You're a staff not a crutch. We get support from a staff and lean on a crutch...big difference. "Well then it's over" can come out in so many different ways when HP has a will in it. That could also mean I quit...I'm done...I'm getting sober then. "Ha Ha good for me...I'll show me this time." I hope it happens that way for him. You're doing what you are responsible for and I hope you keep HP close cause with those seizures additional Higher Power is always necessary in my experience. I use to have em...get em...go thru em. Yuk!! for an adult...very scarey for a child (triple yuks!!).
You've done it like you've been taught it and you brought it back here. Very very supportive. (((((hugs)))))
Way to work your program, girl!! I"m so glad your daughter came thru this ok and that you stuck to your boundaries and did what was right for you! It may not feel spectacular right now, but in the long run, I believe ya did the right thing :)
Good for you! You're doing great even if you don't realize it right now. Once I started this program of working on me I felt calmer and happier than I had been in I don't know how long. Glad to hear your daughter is doing well. I hope you can get some rest and take care of yourself today. You deserve it.
I agree with the others maybe you should be Hopeful :) I've been reading your posts I don't think I've replied yet, but you are doing GREAT! You should be really proud of yourself.
I remember a situation like yours. A had text me asked where I was. I said I'm at an Alanon meeting he says, What? have you lost your mind? I said yes I have and I'm in Alanon looking for it!! He didn't reply. But he sure didn't like it. I kept not reacting how I used to and he noticed quickly and did not like it one bit!
Keep working it and keep taking care of you !
I hope your daughter continues to do well :)
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
The good news is my daughter is feeling a lot better I took her to the doctors today and although they are a little concerned with how long her seizures last they're still 99% sure it's Febrile = ) We are taking her to a neurologist just to be safe = )
I have been getting nothing but compliments from people that don't even know my situation in the past month on how happy I look = ) I'm also starting to feel "hopeful" and I haven't felt that way in a VERY long time! "Brainwashing" I nearly died laughing when he said that, lol.... Ironically I'm at the part in the book where the A will do/say anything to get you back = ) Strange how HP works, lol!
Speaking of HP.... I've been struggling with not feeling my HP but all that has changed... I still don't understand why I went in my daughters bedroom to check on her when I did but I'm realizing that it was my HP I'm beginning to understand it and that is pretty damn good b-day present!!!!
-- Edited by Hopeless on Friday 14th of May 2010 07:20:48 PM
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
Speaking of HP.... I've been struggling with not feeling my HP but all that has changed... I still don't understand why I went in my daughters bedroom to check on her when I did but I'm realizing that it was my HP I'm beginning to understand it and that is pretty damn good b-day present!!!!
-- Edited by Hopeless on Friday 14th of May 2010 07:20:48 PM
Dear Hopeless
HP gives wonderful Gifts every day. I found it was up to me to be present enough to see and accept the Gifts.
Way to go! I get the exact same reaction from my AH. The 'new' me unsettles him, makes him throw a tantrum like a 3 year old. I just look at him like a 3 year old and remember he is doing it for the reaction and that reacting just encourages him (just like a three year old).
My daughter had febrile seizures too. Very scary, but she gree out of them by 4. No lasting issues. I learned to have lots of Advil and Tylenol on hand and jumped right on top of the fever as soon as she started feeling warm. Her fevers could spike really quickly. Not sure if the doctors told you, but you can alternate Advil and Tylenol. I used to give her Advil first (it always worked better for her) and lasts for 6 hours and then around 4 hours later given her the Tylenol (which lasts 4 hours) to cover the gap as the Advil was wearing off.
Keep up the good work! Your focus it just where it needs to be!
