The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My recovering husband and i are thinking of moving. he has only been sober 60 days, which i have to remind myself. Our oldest daughter is entering kindergarten in the fall. I'm not thrilled with our school. my husband and i are both teachers which might be why this is such a major issue for us. there are people in the neighborhood which seem to be okay with it. we tend to feel settled in our home although our mortgage is outrageous and tend to be okay with the area sicne it's near everything.
BUT we have an opportunity to move to a smaller community, brand new house with half the mortgage (my h isn't working), great schools. it would a big change for my husband and i because we have lived in the area we are in for our entire lives. it would be a longer commute for me and the obvious pain of moving is not attractive.
Moving is very stressful. Is this a stress it's wise to take on right now? Do you (as I do) sometimes take on extra things that cause turmoil in your life, out of a feeling of "I can handle it, no problem" (except that it turns out to be really stressful), and out of a feeling that stress and turmoil are sometimes comfortingly familiar? Like they distract from serenity and making peace with where you are right now?
If your recovering H started to drink again, would you still want to make the move?
I remember that saying about "Don't make any big changes in the first six months of recovery" (his or yours) -- I wonder if that might apply to this as well.
I know that feeling of "I'd better do this now or else I'll miss the chance!" The way those salesmen sell you things -- "The offer ends tomorrow!" Which means you have to choose extra-quick, before you've thought about it thoroughly. They always try to imply that such a good thing will never come along again. But more good chances will come along, if you decide to wait.
What are the recovery resouces in the place you are moving to. That can be a factor in the issue too. I would say taking some of the financial burden off might be a big help especially if only one of you is working.
maresie.
PS Its pretty common for many addcits to make big changes in the pink cloud phase. Sooner or later the cloud comes down and they have to face what they did when they were drinking. All this activity may be a way to stave that off for a while. Nevertheless you can't work his program for him.
