The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My siamest Ruby is missing a sensitivity chip much like I am. Whenever she gets hungry she goes on a riff of demands to be fed. Right now the hunger can be any time but there is something of a clock to it. When she is hungry there is no reasoning with her that 2:00 a.m. isn't the right time to be fed. When she is in that mode she just keeps on and on until I relent and give her food. As I am usually trying to sleep it is hard going to get up and see to her demands.
I think I've been missing a sensitivity chip most of my life after all my parents were mentally ill. I grew up with such a thirst and hunger for affirmation and love and care I would be just like Ruby screaming for it at all times of the day and night. Like Ruby I had no idea how to get it but to yell, scream, sulk and create havoc. I always blamed those who I went to for that solace not knowing that I had a part in being able to measure, ask for and balance my life. I've been consumed by that ferocious hunger most of my life. I know its still there but for once I am in control of it and trying to be the person I needed when I was a child, a responsible adult taking care of myself rather than screaming blue murder that I'm not getting what I need.
A remarkable awareness. The insight that you obtain from ordinary events is so very special, as is your ability to express the depth of your awareness. It is awesome and I love your humor.
Many years ago, I too had a cat like MIss Ruby. I finally gave up trying to change him. I kept a box of dry cat food by by bed with a bow and when he started his act I was prepared. Did not have ot get u-simply filled the bowl and he was happy. I even enabled the cat
I was thinking the same thing about myself, how cold I feel. When I am hurting I further hurt myself instead of doing something loving. I get angry and hostile instead. I don't feel like i can control it. I haven't beaten myself up (literaly) in a long time but I went ahead and did it again anyway. And I don't even feel sad that I do things like that. I have empathy for others but NOT for me. I don't feel like its okay that I have needs to be truly nutured, I never have been and assume I never will. I'm sure i have that hunger too but I ignore it. Thanks for sharing maresie.
Generally rather than aknowledge my needs, I've displaced them onto others. I felt so unworthy that only after others got their needs met could I think about mine. Since I always picked needy people that didn't happen.
. I even enabled the cat