The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm Criket and I really struggling with obsessing about my daughter who is an alcoholic. She is 33 and never drank until 4 years ago after she had a gastric bypass and flipped addictions. Now she is a full blown alcoholic. She has almost died many times, has horrible seizures and has temporarily (hopefully) lost her kids to her ex who is almost as bad. The kids are 11 & 12 and my fear is losing them will cause her to really spiral into an abyss. However, she is sober almost 30 days, going to a meeting everyday, seeing an addictions counselor, and working the steps with a great sponsor. OK! yes all her stuff but how do I quit worrying about her losing her kids? She is such a great Mom when she is sober. I just really am hurting over all this it has been sooooo hard! I'm so weary of this. I am asking for prayer for her to stay sober and for me to accept whatever happens in this.
Aloha Criket welcome to the MIP board...glad you found us. Actually the response to your question speaks easy and works hard. The solution is in what she is doing. If it is working for her; it will work for you also and in the face to face rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups. Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up Al-Anon and call that number for the meeting places and times so you can go and sit and listen to what others in your area are saying and doing. Your daughter has done 30 days and stayed sober....Yay!! and has literature and stayed sober....Yay!! and she has a sponsor to love, support and guide her and stayed sober....Yay!! She is also doing much more and it is working. We say all the time that the program works if you work it. The founder of Al-Anon was the wife of the founder of AA. Recently Hallmark ran a made for TV video cast of her story "When love is not enough" which revealed how both programs started. We work the program of AA ourselves but from the angle of being too focused on the alcoholic as the alcoholic is too focused on booze. Our steps and traditions are AA's steps and traditions and many an AA member holds membership in Al-Anon also (my hand is up on that one). Just for me I was born and raised within the disease of alcoholism...I needed this program from birth and got my first drink at 9 years of age in a familial setting.
This is not my time it is your time. Go to the phone and make the call. Go to a meeting and sit down and listen and learn and get as much literature while you are there and read it all. Learn the Serenity Prayer if you don't already know it and some of the slogans we use to save our sanity during roller coaster rides. Meet and talk to others and listen, listen, listen and then practice, practice, practice what they do and Keep coming back. Give the program at least the same time you daughter has now and more (I did 102 meetings in 90 days) if you are willing and keep coming back here to let us know how it is working for you...no doubt what you share might just save another new persons butt. In support (((((hugs)))))
Many people switch addictions, my younger sister was a food addict became anorexic and then alcoholic. She has her children but I used to worry about them a great deal. I even had visions of them being orphans at one point.
Al anon can help you a lot. I hope you will stay on this board, go to the chat room, get to a face to face meeting. If you can pick up a copy of the book listed above for free Getting Them Sober. That book and this board can give you a good path to freedom from obsession.
I just wanted to say hello and welcome. You have been given great suggestions and I just wanted to add that attending alanon is the best suggestion I have ever been give in my entire life.
Knowing that Alcoholism is a disease that we cannot control, cure nor did we cause left me feeling helpless. Finding alanon I was given tools and principles that enabled me to live my life to the fullest and have compassion and understanding for the alcoholic.
Please check out the meetings here on line and also face to face meetings in your community They will truly enable you to have a richer life.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 10th of May 2010 08:40:59 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 10th of May 2010 08:41:27 PM
I thank you all for your wonderful words of encouragement and hope! I am pretty much homebound so will need to go to my meetings online. I also don't understand about a "free book" to order? Any help is greatly appreciated. Blessings to you all, Criket
glad you are here. If you have a moment try to get the book Getting them Sober which is listed above. The gift of having that book was a huge life changer for me.
I did find the place to request the book. Thanks! What a wonderful thing he is doing for others. Thank you all for your notes of encouragement. How do I quit thinking about this though? How can it be better for me?
"Quitting thinking about it" isn't done overnight, and by nature we tend to be pretty obsessive, I think. What helps me is to say to myself (a million times a day, if necessary), "Whatever happens, I'll handle it." It's tempting to think that worrying about something will change it, but it doesn't -- it just makes us so anxious that we're depleted when we need to have energy.
There are online meetings here too -- they might help a lot in learning about detachment, which is about staying balanced and serene ourselves, so we can handle whatever comes our way. And also remember that we can worry our whole lives about things that don't come to pass. That's where the Serenity Prayer comes in handy.
Keep coming back -- things can get so much better.
