The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, after everything I have been struggling with regarding my ABF... something else happens.
My children were over at there father's house for weekend visitation. I went to pick them up on Sunday. When my teenage boys got in the car, my 15 year old said, "mom, I need to show you what I found in dad's shirt pocket, that I was wearing." He told me to hold out my hand and he dropped 2 baggies of drugs in the palm of my hand. One appears to be cocaine and the other a burnt orange color substance. I was devastated! My heart breaks for my children. I really do not know how to handle this touchy, sensative situation. I did not pick up the phone confront him. Instead, I cried and discussed things with my children. Yesterday, I went to see an attorney friend to seek some advice on the situation. Especially, because the drugs were in my possession. I did not want to destroy them, incase this escalated in to something serious. However, they are not in my home, in my car or anywhere my children my get into them. My attorney told me I have 3 options... criminal, legal or personal. I don't want to go the criminal route. Legal.. possibly, only to be able to have the court stop visitation and order him to drug rehab or something along the lines. Personal... I just think, he will deny deny deny.
What are your thoughts? I have never during my 15 years of marriage none of any drug use. However, after our divorce, I know he was taking loritabs daily.
So sorry you found this out. I'm guessing you already knew he had addictions (alcoholism?)? It's always a blow to find out things are even worse than you thought.
I think my reaction would partially depend on how old the kids are. Talking to them about how their dad got caught up in addictions is probably the most important thing -- so they can process their discovery, and understand what's happening with their dad (why he can't just "get it together," etc.), and be warned about the dangers of venturing down the path of drugs themselves.
For the rest, you obviously don't want them endangered when they're over there. Maybe you already had safeguards in place in case he was drinking?
It's natural to feel outraged. I think before taking action, I'd ask "What's my motive?"
It's clear he is a very, very sick man. What a terrible, tragic mess.
My ex-husband, when we were married, never drank and is not and A. He was clean. Now that he has being single since 2004 and has some medical issues, he began using loritab daily. We were unaware of this type of drug use. Blows my mind!
I see -- I'm sorry I misunderstood. Oh my goodness, that is even more alarming. I think I might consult a lawyer about what kinds of procedure would be needed to ensure you have control over when the kids go there or whatever necessary to keep them safe. What a shocking thing to happen. I'm so sorry.
I hate so much that this has happened - to you and to your children - it must be painful and heartbreaking.
I would like to ask you a few questions and see what your reaction would be - then maybe it would give you a different way of looking at what you want to do . . .
Let's take the "personal" factor out of this situation
What would you do if your children came home from a friend's house with drugs? Would you be so hesitant to seek legal recourse or protection?
What if they came home from school and a teacher, coach or other adult had allowed them access to drugs? Would you be so hesitant to press charges?
If someone from your neighborhood was giving your children drugs, what would you do to protect them?
So now you have their FATHER, who should be their friend, teacher, coach, mentor, a safe neighborhood for them at all times, exposing them to dangerous substances. Substances that are habit forming, self-destructive, life threatening, all consuming life takers.
What action do you think you should take?
Daisygirl, I don't mean to be harsh - I just know that for ME when I keep that "Personal" attachment factor in my judgment - I struggle with making the safest decision - not only for me but for all those involved -
Please seek all the guidance you can from legal and professional sources that can help you know what is healthiest for you and your children. It is apparent this man that was once your husband is now doing things you never believed he would - There is no telling what he is capable of doing once he realizes you and the children know about the illegal substances.
HUGS (hugs, unity, gratitude and serenity) Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Consider tell him that the two baggies were found in the shirt pocket and ask him for feedback. Get him involved in the solution. Are they for his treatment, his health? Is he willing to let you have them tested? Keeping him in the loop and offering him the opportunity to use honesty and compassion for his children is a recovery practice.
Years ago I was doing big winter type laundry in July (LOL I was behind in cleaning) for storage and found a big tupperware container of cocaine in a jacket. I called my sponsor who said if it were her she would call the police, saying I do not want this in my house or on the streets and I don't know what else to do with it besides call the police. I was HORRIFIED at the thought and did not ... now I wish I had. That is my experience.
What a difficult situation. I don't know if you are involved in a family custody issue. Do you have an attorney. What do they advise? Do you have any family social work agencies near you that deal with visitation. Often they can advise. There have to be parameters about what your kids can be around. The best thing to do is not to over react (kind of hard when you are around an addict) keep calm, get centered and be be prepared to encounter obstacles. Obviously your kids are very healthy as they are alarmed by the situation too. That says a great deal about you!
