The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH has a few mornings off for the next 2 weeks, and then he will be unemployed for a while during an intensive prep class to take the bar exam. I've found myself feeling a bit of fear and projecting. His last relapse into alcohol happened when he had mornings off and a lot of free time. There are also other addiction issues that I've only recently become aware of. It's hard , and some days harder than others, to stay out of his business. This morning I read something helpful in the ODAT (not today's reading, just a random page I opened to) about not wondering what he's doing or not doing, calling to check up, etc. I felt okay when I left the house, but a second ago found myself with my phone in my hand. I was just going to give him a call to say hi. I'm glad I thought about my real motives before I dialed. I was just going to call to check up - that's the reality.
So I put the phone down. I can make it an hour without calling. I'll deal with next hour when it gets here.
Funny how addiction can sneak up on me like that. All of a sudden my disease tells me that something would be a great idea, when that thing will only really make me sicker. I'm glad these days that I've practiced enough that I can pause, even just for a split second, and think about what I am doing.
I'm pulling out my tools instead - this board is the tool I choose for now. I'll probably give my sponsor a ring, too. It doesn't take much for me to get sucked back into the disease if I let myself. Recovery is a fragile process.
I was constantly on the phone to the ex A. Of course when he needed something this minute he was on the phone to me too and none of those calls could wait either.
What a way to live!
I am so glad that you are taking care of yourself.
Hi, i can so relate to this wanting to ring him, obsessing about what he is doing. I went to great lengths to try and stop myself for example leaving my phone at home when I could so I would not ring him. Getting really busy so I never had time to think of him. Today I realise i am/was addicted to my exABF. I have only just finished this relationship and do believe that it is for good this time. I have prayed today ever time I have thought of him, got upset or felt guilty for wanting to love and take care of me and leave him to his own business. I have asked/begged my Hp to take my obsession from me. And guess what it seems to be fading. Today I am praying to Hp alot asking him to help me, to help me keep the focus on me, to mind my own business, to make my life manageable. I guess my prayers are starting to be answered WOW just realsied while typing this the focus must be going on me just for the fact I am praying for it.
Aloha White Rabbit...Thanks for bringing that program practice here. Soooo right on when it comes to recovery. "What was your motive with that"...I can still here my past sponsors' voices. "What is your part in it" "Why did you do that" "Why did you do it that way"... Your self focus and growth are showing. (((((hugs)))))
