The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm sure I'm not the only one that has insecurity issues on this site but I want to share how I'm feeling about a situation regarding the A...
I have distance myself with the A as far as him and I are concerned and only talk in regards to our daughter... I drop her off to him and pick her up so I know what is going on and to make sure he is sober, etc.. Today our sitter (we both work full time) husband fell ill and she couldn't watch our daughter, A works in construction and didnt' have to go in today since it was raining this morning so A agreed to watch our daughter...
When I dropped her off he asked if he could use the car (the car is mine) while I'm working so he could take our daughter to the Kiddie Gym that we take her when the weather isn't nice... I let A do this kept in contact with him all day everything worked out great and our daughter had a great time with her Daddy...
So why do I feel like such a failure for giving in and letting him borrow my car??!? Why do I feel like this is a competition and he just won?!?!? Can anyone explain this feeling to me because I feel like I just let myself down...
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
Maybe somewhere in your subconscience you feel that he lied to you somehow and was not completely sober when he took your daughter to the GYM and thats entirely possible. Did you relent and let him overstep a boundary of yours.?
Maybe your holding onto some stuff from the days when he was drunk and hurt you , maybe he owes you an amends. I use to feel like the scales were unbalanced. Like just because your having a sober day, doesnt make up for all those other days that you were an a...hole to me.
Only you would know this answer, try connecting to your higher power and think you will find and answer.
Luv, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Monday 3rd of May 2010 04:24:03 PM
Your A didn't appear to be using you or borrowing the car for selfish reasons, drinking, etc. It appears it was a honest request. Your daughter had a good time with her Dad and you assured yourself he wasn't drinking by being in contact throuhout the day.
Boundaries can change since you are the one that makes them. They are put in place for your protection. It doesn't look like you needed that protection today. No need to feel defeated. Seems everyone did the right thing. Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Everything did work out and you're right I can make and can modify my boundaries as long as it benefits me and of course my kids = ) I have to get this through my thick head = )
Thanks everyone for replying = )
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
I know that letting myself down feeling well. I feel that way when I let down my boundaries in certain situations. For myself I think I feel let down because that is my pattern of letting this one little thing slip past and then the next is easier to let slip past and all of a sudden I am not upholding my boundaries at all. Not to mention building up a high tolerance for usually in my history bad behavior. BUT there are situations that it is perfectly acceptable to change our boundaries, I am still finding that way of being able to flow with it instead of hard fast rules. Sometimes it feels like I have to walk this tightrope when really I can jump off at any time and am perfectly capable of climbing right back up there.
Personally I think dealing with any unrecovered A is a big undertaking. I often find myself wanting to argue. My comeback is always they are ill. I have to let it go at that. I know I am extremely careful these days of my boundaries around them. The cunning and baffling part is they are able to get their hooks in quite quickly.
