The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ABF has come out of a three week relapse. He has lots of consequences to face. Owes £1,500. Lost best friend, kids have detached from him, his mum is really depressed and I can not have a relationship I can see I am very sick too. We have had odd chat and he is really working the programme. He has found somewhere to live, is talking to his sponsor and going to lots of meetings. He is even reading literature for the first time. I have told him I need a break, He said I need contact, we compremised we would chat once a week on a sunday. He has text every day I have not answered. He rang a lot yesterday I did not answer. Today he kept ringing , in the end he rang my son i never answered, He told my brother to ring me. I told my brother to tell him I would chat to him on sunday like we agree. Then he got his son to go on the computer to my daughter and to tell her to tell me to answer the phone as it isvery inmportant. I finally answered just incase there was an emergancy. He just tried to get me to meet him I said no. He tried to manipulate me. I stood firm I have just started readying getting the sober thanks to canadian guy. In the end I put the phone down he was not listening the disease is trying to get me to be a rescuer again. He is early sobriety and I do believe he will make it. The book has explained tough love. If HP wants us to be together we will I have to let go and let god. It is so hard. I will answer the phone like promised tomorrow and tell him that is all I can offer at the moment I am to scared maybe when we are both healthier. If he gets angrey or starts manipulating again I will hang up.
I am going to pray ask Hp to guide me and give me strenght and then finish the book. thanks again canadian guy
Wow....way to stay strong and stick to your boundaries. You are really working it girl. Be proud of yourself. You have been given some tools and you are using them!
Keep watching for the hooks.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
You were offered the hook, line, and sinker. You didn't take the bait. Good for you, keep working your program. The boundaries are in place to protect you---and you are doing a great job of inforcing them----congratulations !
I think Getting them Sober is a great great resouce for anyone.
Urgency and impulsivity are certain charactor traits that are pretty difficult to deal with. Several times over the past few days I have encountered individuals who were trying to push in some kind of a line I was in. They pushed so much they alienated people. One woman encountered management who wanted to throw her out! I am sure they had no idea they were going overboard.
After years of living with people who crossed every boundary I've had, I can step back from encounters like that.
Having boundaries takes tremendous practice, patience and feedback. I have also had to really work on my tendency to people please.
I'm glad you are in al anon and working on yourself. Nothing you do can cause the alcoholic to drink.
Tough Love hardly seems to describe it and girl you're doing it good...very good. That's such a good example of fighting to save your own life. I hope lots of other members learn the "Tracy" method of active detachment and self care.
