The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I had not heard from him in 35 hours. Had not returned my text or calls. Unlike him unless he is out drinking. So, worried and concerned I stopped by his house on my way to work to make sure he was alright and to get a better understanding of what is going on. Of course he went out Tuesday night (had a few) and out late last night (which he said he didn't think he had too much to drink) Yeah right! His idea and mine are different. He told me he is tired of feeling like a prisoner and beating himself up with guilt when he does go out. WHATEVER!!! He asked why is it okay for me to go out (which doesn't involve drinking) but it he can't go out.
I told him that he can do what ever he wants to do. I am so over it. I told him I am trying to bring out the best in him and keep him safe and sane. But it is not fair for me to have to sit home concerned and worried about his safety. So, we ended things on a bad note! Now, the text messaages begin... "you mean the world to me" BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I am not responding... I have got to move on! I have to do this for me and my sanity!!!
I am blocking his number and going to change my routine! It is a new day!
daisygirl wrote:I told him I am trying to bring out the best in him and keep him safe and sane. But it is not fair for me to have to sit home concerned and worried about his safety.
With all due respect, you can't keep anyone else safe and sane. It's not your job. Whether anyone else stays safe and sane is between that person and their HP. Through the program, I've come to accept that I may not like or agree with someone else's decisions or choices, but they are not my decisions or choices to make. I can, however, control my own decisions and choices.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it. Try to shift your focus off of what he is doing and back to yourself. My sponsor tells me to put my magnifying glass away and pick out some other tool that will help me instead of hurt me. I like journaling, exercise, and getting a manicure. :)
I have a saying that really helps me , its "stay in your own lane." One thing in Alanon that really helped me was to read the Alanon material until it really was ingrained in my brain. We need to change our actions and reactions to the addict.
They don't need our help, we have helped them quite enough. Sometimes its easier for us to want to help them because we dont want to face our reality, or they are a diversion from focusing on ourselves because we dont want to know that what were really doing is destructive , mostly to ourselves.
I have always tried to follow a rule when trying to see things clearly. Always look at the other person's actions, whether it be an A or non A. There mouth may be saying all the things you want to hear, but their actions show something different. That always puts it in the proper perspective , for me anyway. Keep coming back and really try to use the tools that Alanon has to offer. Wishing you strength and courage. Luv, Bettina
Honey, aren't you a bit tired of trying to keep him safe and sound knowing deeply it's impossible?? I know it was exhausting for me, when I was trying to do it.
Detach, detach, detach... It will feel soo good. I'm sure he loves you, but right now, he loves booze more. Maybe if yopu detach and let him keep himself sane and souand, he will realize how much trouble he's in and he will get help.
Read Getting Them Sober. That book helps me every day remember why by detaching I'm helping me and him.
(((Daisy)))
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
