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I'm shocked and saddened to learn of the alcoholic death of an old friend from the program. Yet, like my father's death many years ago, it's not surprising that a person would die from a fatal disease.
My friend had some years of sobriety. He was a good friend, we did have other activities together besides meetings at one time. But it's a familiar story. Sobriety was good to him. He prospered materially, life was good. Other things took priority over meetings... sports, work, church. Eventually he stopped going to meetings all together. It was some time after that, I heard he was drinking again. And just the other day, I heard he was gone.
The disease knows no bounds. This person had a richer and fuller life than I could ever even imagine. He went places and did things I'll never do. He died with more money than I'll ever see. Yet today, I'm sitting here sober, and his family is arranging his funeral. I lost my friend years ago - this was just the epilogue, and the final answer to the question, if he'd ever come back.
I know very little of the details surrounding his death, only that it was an alcoholic death. The details are unimportant. He died of alcoholism. I'm grateful that I knew him, I'm grateful for his friendship, and I'm grateful to be sober and alive today.
Sorry to hear about your loss, as this disease claims yet another victim.... Just like you said about "not surprising", I remember going to a funeral several years ago of an addict/alcoholic, who chose to end his life by a lethal heroin overdose (not his normal drug of choice).... I was driving my A-wife at the time, and her sponsor - who was 25+ years sober.... We were all commenting on how sad and devastating this was, and this oldtimer said: "yes it is sad, but it is NOT surprising"
Another tragic example of how, without care and attention, this disease never really goes away...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend to this dreadful disease. I too am glad that you are alive and with us as a "Miracle in Progress."
The story sounds similar to that of my son. He thrived in sobriety, built a race car, raced and won, held a great job, bought a house and stopped going to meeting.
After many, many rehabs and detoxs, it took this disease 5 years to take him.
I miss him every day but will always be grateful that he had 14 years of sobriety
The story sounds similar to that of my son. He thrived in sobriety, built a race car, raced and won, held a great job, bought a house and stopped going to meeting.
When I first began to experience some of the benefits of sobriety, my life got better and I went from being a curious tryout to someone who really wanted sobriety. I had fears of both success and failure - that enough of either would cause me to relapse. What followed was a roller coaster of rapid successes and failures that left me dizzy, elated, and whipped - but sober. I don't look forward to that kind of a ride again, but I know I can stay sober through it if I keep my priorities in order and keep spiritually fit.
Aloha Barisax...Although reading this experience is saddening I also celebrate your being sober from doing the next right thing. Not Surprising is a statement of awareness and you continue on with it while your friend may have let it lapse. I respect the power of alcoholism to do what it does when there are no defenses in place like AA and other successful deterrents. I have witnessed several "alcoholic" deaths including family members and I witness them without the "if onlys". Your friend followed the classic procedure in order to reach that end...how very sad. It's comforting to learn that you celebrate the positives of your journey together. Pass those on. I also am glad for him passing on his experience. That will keep me coming back. Mahalo (((hugs)))
My sympathies on your loss. It always saddens me when this disease takes another victim. He was lucky to have your friendship. Prayers for you and his family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hate so much to hear of the loss of another one of God's creations to this awful disease of alcoholism.
Please accept my heartfelt sypathy to you and his family.
I truly hate it that some never make it and some make it but don't for some reason have the ability to stay.
Thank you for sharing your continued stay in recovery with us - it does give those who have loved ones that are still "out there" hope that some day they will find the path to recovery.
HUGS, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
canadianguy wrote:years sober.... We were all commenting on how sad and devastating this was, and this oldtimer said: "yes it is sad, but it is NOT surprising"
Another tragic example of how, without care and attention, this disease never really goes away...
On the AA forum I made the analogy of a thunderstorm. A loud thunderclap is not exactly a surprise when you're in the middle of one, but doesn't mean it doesn't make you jump out of your seat when it happens!
I don't fear the nearly daily reminders of my disease... glancing in the beer cooler at the convenience store, catching a whiff of alcohol in a restaurant, drinking dreams... they serve to remind me what I am. My disease is just over my shoulder, and that's ok. If it's not there, then it's not because it's gone - it's because it's up ahead in the bushes waiting to ambush me. I'd much rather keep it out in the open.
Thank you for sharing your continued stay in recovery with us - it does give those who have loved ones that are still "out there" hope that some day they will find the path to recovery.
I've seen a lot of people come and go, but this one is harder. Maybe because he was almost like family to me, my granddaughter was very fond of him. I'm going to my home group this evening and I realized that for the past 4+ years, there was always this hope he'd show up... when I heard the door squeak and footsteps after the meeting started, I'd always wonder if - this time, it would be my long lost friend. Tonight will be the first time that I know it won't be.
I think many in my group feel the same way, although we have a lot of newer members (yay!!) many of whom never even met the guy.
Consider that he died of the disease. You are by far richer and more blessed.
You are still living and you are still walking your path of recovery.
After some waffling by the family, they chose to have a memorial service with open invitation. I am very glad they did. Those that came - hundreds actually - chose to celebrate his life, the man he was and that we all remember fondly, who always had time for you no matter how busy he was. Rather than dwell on the last several years of his life that brought him down. I didn't need a scorecard to know what happened to him - his drive for success caused him to ultimately edge out his AA program and friends, until that moment he had no defense against the first drink. Having talked to some others, from that moment on he became unreachable. What do you do after you've conquered all? I made the analogy of a rocket shooting up into the sky, until the engines burn out and it falls back to earth. I think of his body as the first stage of that rocket - it burned out and fell, but the space capsule on top - his spirit - has now gone to the heavens. The memorial was a good thing, I got to meet members of his family I never knew. And the memories they shared were the same as mine. The guy always gave you 100% and could make you feel good about yourself. He just ran out of whatever it was that kept him going on this earth.
It's selfish of me to miss him, and I do. But nothing is permanent. The best I can do is to pass on the gift of friendship he gave so freely to me. It was humbling to sit in the room full of many people that loved him... and realize that I belonged in that group. As large as his life was, he took time for me. Not to deify him or anything... he had his demons, as the minister put it, and he certainly pissed me off at times. But I never knew anyone like him before, and I probably never will again.
