The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The recent posts about the effects of 'pot' versus 'alcohol', remind me of others that have been debated on here in prior times..... Some examples:
hard liquor vs. beer having an A spouse vs. having an A child vs. having an A parent binge users vs. everyday users alcohol vs. other drugs etc, etc....
I believe in the saying that my sponsor used to tell me all the time - "addiction is addiction is addiction" - whether that addiction is booze, other drugs, sex, gambling, pot, or whatever - the "treatment and/or solution" is invariably the same.... WE, as the al-anons in the situation, need to take care of ourselves and our dependants, first and foremost.... Much as we'd love to, we can't "cause" anyone else's choices re: sobriety (those damn three C's still apply!).
In some ways, when we make light of, or try to categorize ourselves (i.e. your situation is much worse than mine because.....) we can show similar behaviors to our A's, in that they often look at AA and others as "worse than" or "more sick than" themselves - and it often gets in the way of their recovery..... I think some of our 'common traits', as well meaning individuals in Al-Anon, sometimes model this same type of denial - albeit with good intentions....
Society has made some choices - i.e. alcohol and nicotine are "legal", many drugs such as cocaine, etc., are not, and marijuana seems to be coming close to "quasi-legal", or at least tolerated. I'm reminded of a university course that I took in social psychology, where the entire semester was on drugs.... The teaching was somewhat controversial, but my professor's point was that - from a "physical dependence or propensity for addiction perspective" - the two worst drugs known in the world at that time (1983) were..... you guessed it - alcohol, and nicotine..... Now we could all get into endless debates about the validity of his findings, but I think what I am rambling on about is a more general point.....
Our program is a wonderful program, and is a support mechanism for anyone who has been affected by a loved one's addiction - regardless of what that addiction may be.... Yes, there are separate Nar-Anon & NA programs, and others as well, but Al-Anon (and AA for that matter) are the staple that are equally applicable for ALL addictions - many small towns only have AA & Al-Anon, and it works....
Personally, I get a bit miffed by the newest celebrity fad of using the word "addiction" to excuse unacceptable choices and behaviors (i.e. Tiger Woods and/or Jesse James), but that is a whole 'nuther topic, lol....
Food for thought...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
This is an excellent mantra and one I will repeat to myself when I'm doubting my sanity...addiction is addiction is addiction. My AH (I hope I'm using the acronym correctly) insists he is an "alcoholic" and not an "addict" and if ever insinuate he is an "addict" after he gave up alcohol (1.4 years now) I will get verbally torn to pieces. I know addiction is addiction is addiction, but I now realize I cannot convince him of that and I will now stop trying to fit that square peg into a round hole. I have my own addiction, which is trying to make him not a addict. Time for me to start abstaining!!
Great post. I have a friend, who has a friend whose husband is addicted to sex. Spouse treats him horribly after he was "caught" which is about 5 years ago. After hearing how she brow beats him and humilates him every chance she gets... I suggested counseling of some type and my friend stated that he is getting what he deserves. I then stated that I envied his wife for she must be oh so perfect that she is comfortable treating someone she supposedly loves so horribly. I suggested that maybe they each needed to attend AA and Alanon for help. My friend scoffed and stated that that is only for alcoholics. And I tried to tell her that addiction ... is addiction ... is addiction... Then she stated I should talk, I'm the queen enabler. I then added that, that may be but at least I am seeking help for my co dependency and I am getting better and learning a lot. And one thing I am learning is compassion and I thought maybe that could help that other spouse. Then I added that we should end the conversation there because I did not want to get angry and if my friend wants to "help" her friend she could make a few suggestions to her...
In my mind, I don't think a single human being is clean and free of SOME sort of an addiction. I call it the human condition. We're always trying to fill that God-shaped hole in our souls with SOMETHING other than what truly fits... and what will only fit is that Higher Power.
Drugs, alcohol, sex, video games, gambling, shopping, hoarding, over-eating, trying to be everyone's savior, work-aholic, rage-aholic... and soooooooooo many others.
It's all part of the human condition.
Some addictions may be "worse" than others, but I have to remind myself "there is no right or wrong, only thinking makes it so". So is an addiction to alcohol is worse than addiction to shopping? The only people who truly get a say in that matter are the ones affected by the addiction - the addict and his or her family.
Hi ddiction is addiction. I am also fighting my own addiction I can not mind my own business and need to be needed. I believe most people have some form of addiction some are more socially acceptable than others. Work, going the gym, shopping, eating so on.
I am so glad that my addiction has lead me here and that I am gaining the tools to try and abstain from mine with the help of my higher power.
I agree . . . addictive behavior is addictive behavior. It applies the same to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, codependency/love addiction.
As an alcoholic, I believe that there is a distinction between addiction and alcoholism. I see people with addictive personalities and they get hung up on whatever....you name it ... even alcohol. With these there may be some tough times to break the "habit", but some effort and the addiction stops. Often times it just gets switched to something or someone else. As was mentioned here, something else to fill up that hole.
Then there are the alcoholics that manage to stop drinking for a while and they are miserable. Stopping drinking doesn't make their lives better, it makes it worse. They are physically and mentally miserable. AA helps these people stop drinking, but more than that it helps them change the way the think and feel about themselves, it helps them change from the inside out.
I don't know, I guess folks do loose their homes and possessions to drugs or gambling, wives to cheating and so forth. But I just don't see (perhaps just my lack of touch with the world) too many people with these other addictions dying (exclude the drug related shooting etc.). When you see an alcoholic just YELLOW because of liver failure, or their bowels stop functioning, or the body swell or ... Well, I guess I have also see folks with their teeth missing, bad skin, and skinny as a rail from meth and so forth.
I don't know. I guess it is all just severity and where someone's bottom is. When enough is enough. How deep that hole in us really goes. How much of our lives we are willing to give up to our addiction, even if that addiction is another person - the A's in our lives.
Good topic. Thx Tom.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
