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For 4 years (just recently with the dad (69( and 21 year old "girlfriend")motocycle dirt bike racing- my 4 years of participation every other weekend I have noticed it is very typical for any girlfriend/ wife- female watching the rider race to wear a jersy with the rider's number and name on it ( my boyfirend's last name and grandpa's are the same-grandpa can barely walk not ride- and 21 year old girlfrind will be wearing a Jersy with my guys name and number on it and I don't. and I'm supposed to go shopping for it---When this first came up I thought Grandpa was suggesting he buy one for me, so being the thrifty girl I am I said I knew where we could get it on sale---and offered to do the shopping, I (inadvertently have offered to go shopping to buy her a Jersy that will have my boyfriends last name and bike number on it) Not that it matters, I'm extreamly fit, good a my job and very smart - and my boyfriend and I are over 40 but it could appear she is with my guy. Or at the very least that she is a part of our team and I am NOT. This is typical groups give their teams names. I''ve been sitting in the dirt - sleeping in a truck using overly full porto potties for 4 years and she hasn't even been to a race yet and gets a cool Jersy. Kinda feeling pissed and sorry for myself here (probably NOT alanon tools lol)
Because I see so many and I've always thought they were fun I've always wanted a jersery with my BF's name and numer on it but waited fro him to suggest it because I wanted it to come from him. (yes I''ve kinda brought it up before) and he didn't seem overly excited one way or the other so I dropped it. (by the way Grandpas is busting at the seams to get the one for his 21 year old girl)
( Grandpa and 21 year old dont' live togteher yet but are discussing it,) HE says they don't plan to have sex but touch aot. HE descriges how she holds his hand and puts her head on his lap and takes a nap. Well my trying to be nice-nonjudgemental since I have no control anyway, turned into one outing after another with them and now next weekend we are all going fishing (again something I generally enjoy)- to make maybe same reason I don't have a wedding ring I bet- or sorta anyay nother story, sobriety has alot to do with that.
IN the beginning, I simply didn 't express negative or positive only to say I was glad he has somene checking in on him ( they dont' live togteher yet) Well my trying to be nice turned into one get together after another and now next weekend we are all going fishing- to make matters a little more uncomfortable she's kinda street smart and enjoys saying things to my 40 year old A boyfriend to boost his ego and well, innocent as it is it is still annonying. NOt imagining this- I know flirting when I see it. Please don't lable me overy jealous. I am conservative on those issues but this is obvious really. I know when I'm being jealous and there is real need for concern. To top it all off I wonder about her motives is she looking for someone to marry her and make her "legal" or does she think pop's has some money - he doesn't except spending his wifes teacher retirement ( she passed 2 years ago), what is it sheis on the prowl for and does it matter? or is she in it for the current "perks" ? Just in case it matters I'm size 4 age 44 with few wrinkles and consider myself pretty. I just don't seem to be the one who gets the gifts" or the one someone makes a deal of being "with" but I rock on my own-- I really do like me and that is not an only an alanon thing. (PITTY PARTY Officially OVER) I get lots of other good stuff brought on by me- I can work a room in a sales presentation, trust me. OKay now please set me straight- say it like it is tell me to suck it up whatever I need to feel like the strong me I am inside that no one hardley ever sees. so let me have it.
-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 27th of April 2010 07:15:22 AM
-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 27th of April 2010 07:43:10 AM
-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 27th of April 2010 08:32:03 AM
no, I personally don't think you're being weird, I don't think men see those things that women do, when women do the street smart thing. I would not fancy having to do the same thing every weekend with the same people, but that is just me, I would find that very wearing and tiring and might say so, if I needed a break from same. A friend of mine has a similar issue with a female, who is nice to her boyfriend but when he is not around she is horrible to my friend. It must be a syndrome, we were laughing about it yesterday as her boyfriend does not see through it at all and thinks that it is not happening and thinks that she is raving when she mentions it.
Not strange at all. I am on a short schedule here - so I usually lend my own experience, which I have a lot of around being a capable, independent woman - but the short time for typing I am just going to say what I see.
1. You can set boundaries around how this youngster acts around your boyfriend. Easy enough to say "Please don't, that makes me uncomfortable" and will probably teach her a good life lesson. At that age, with so little time since puberty, she may have only been exposed to women who get what they need by turning on the helpless, flirty girl charm. You can be a good influence and teach her what it means to express yourself in a firm, but gentle way - and be a strong woman. Perhaps it will rub off on her. I loved those woman in my younger days. May just turn out that you will will be GREAT friends.
2. The shirt - I TOTALLY understand you wanting it to come from your bf - but it isn't . . . so perhaps you should just get it yourself. Sucks, I know . . . I have spent my life waiting for others to do nice things for me and end up just having to do them for myself, but that is what it is. Seems us strong, independent woman are so good at taking care of ourselves that no one steps up and offers to be nice, lend a hand or do sweet things for us. We have it under control . . . LOL (not always!!!) But, in the end I would rather be the strong, independent woman, than the one who has to rely on others to get by. As with everything, it has it's pros and cons - but we are better for it over all.
3. I wouldn't worry about her wearing the shirt and you not, in the end. If you have been there 4 years running the crowd knows you, who you are with, and respects you for who you are. If you want the shirt for YOU, get it, but I wouldn't worry about what others think, none of your business anyway . Maybe your bf doesn't see it as a big deal. Maybe he wants YOU to get it to see that you are proud to be with him. Who knows, but do what is right for you.
You sound like my kind of lady. I too am creeping up on 40 this year, love to fish, camp, air shows etc. Good for you! I love it.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
. Maybe your bf doesn't see it as a big deal. Maybe he wants YOU to get it to see that you are proud to be with him. Who knows, but do what is right for you.