The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's a long story, but I'll try to give you all the Cliff notes version.
Spent three years with ABF, the last year was us trying to break up. Finally in Aug. 09 I put an end to the roller coaster and the relationship. No contact.
Finally I meet a new guy and we hit it off very well. He abandones the relationship and goes dark for several days. Meanwhile guy one reappears Nov. 09 and we pick up where we left off. I never really got over him and I don't know why. My addiction?
So, as it turns out guy number one and I are back to not getting along in record time. Guy number two is "fighting for me". Guy number two wins. Jan 2010.
All is happy with guy number two, but guy number one is still in my head. It's making me crazy. I'm wondering if I should go to him and tell him I can't get him out of my head and try to make the relationship work; Just like he did with me in November.
So my daughter goes crazy and to make a long story short guy number two "can never be in the same room with her again". He leaves me. Meanwhile guy number one proposes the the girls he's been dating for two months. A mear three months since coming back for me. I'm devistated.
Talk about your worst fear coming true. My daughter who was the world is living elsewhere, no guy. Just me and God.
My head says good ridance to them both, my heart and my co-dependance says I want them both. For some reason I feel like I NEED a ring on my finger.
My great friends and councilors have been telling me my job is to now love myself. That the question for the future should be are they good enough for me; not am I good enough for them.
I have learned through the help of my alanon family that I need to keep the focus on me and to not depend on someone else for my happiness. I can expect someone else to make and keep me happy that is an unrealistic expectation.
I just got out of a marriage to an active "A" and right now I am focusing on becoming the person that I want to attract.
If I want a truly good relationship I should be able to have one with me first.
Keep coming back.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Aloha Dog Ma...sounds like a number of Higher Powers involved with you at the moment and none of them leaning you to sanity. When I was "needy" anyone and everyone became my Higher Power and then came Al-Anon. You're right it isn't easy and it is worth it. Stop it for a couple years and get into the program for you during that time one day at a time. (((hugs)))
my mom was my world, sun and moon. I took 1% of the love I gave so easily to her and applied it to me and then my life began to hcange, as I loved and respected myself, no more compromising. I set boundaires, followed through and took it odaat - what can I do to allow me to feel better right now/today, and that is the magic question I ask myself everyday, when I get an answer, I do it.
It wasnt until I realized that I was wasting my life by not focusing on me... I was insulting god by not cherishing me, so I changed that around. You are worth your own good love, take care of YOU whatver that looks like.
What we focus on, manifests and grows, so decide what u want to grow (you, hopefully) and keep your focus on that. Pre alanon, I used to stare at my probelms and they grew, today I look for the solutions. You can do it and ur worth it!
I had to look carefully at what my true needs were, and seperate them from the fantasies I had. Our wants are not needs. I was in denial a long time about being an out of control, control freak. Working on me, I now do have control over self and it is priceless!
-- Edited by kitty on Wednesday 28th of April 2010 07:47:57 AM
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
