The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi I'm new here and have been dealing with an alcoholic boyfriend for about 3 years. We have a 2 year old son and I am 7 months pregnant with a daughter. He already has an 11 year old daughter who he doesn't see anymore because her mother was so fed up. He drinks whenever he finds money somewhere, sometimes steals off of me and is ver mean and aggressive when drunk. It has come to the point that whenever I know he is drunk or drinking. I leave and go to his mothers house. I am terrified because I have a baby on the way and it is so stressful, I feel like I am alone. I finally got a car last Saturday and I told him that if he gets drunk again I am moving out. He doesn't have a job and has an appointment for outpatient treatment on Monday. I come home yesterday and find that he is gone, so I knew he was at the store. I went toward the store and sure enough, he had a bag with a little bottle of cheap vodka. He tried to say that he didn't have anything, but I'm not stupid, he tried to hide it in the cupboard, I found it, and gave it to him, and left. I'm so frustrated and wish I could start looking for an apartment now, but I can't because I spent all my money on the car. So I'm going to sign up for Section 8 on Friday, hopefully it doesn't take too long to get to the top of the list...Hopefully I even get on the list. I give birth in 2 months and just don't know what to do. I have just been praying for strength, and putting my life in Gods hands...I just know he will take care of me...I love my kids father so much, but I just can't do it anymore...
Hi, I too care so much for my ABf but like you have had enough of this disease and want to be a good mum to my children.
I have tried so hard to support my ABf but I can not help him ( I am powerless) and my life has become unmanagable. He is in and out of AA and really trying but today I see that I am unhappy. That if he drinks or not I need to create the life I desire for my kids change the things I can. Everytime I try and relay on him he lets me down. It is so horrible this disease I have watched the person I love destroy his own life. Then how insane am I he can not look after himself and I turn to this sick man for love and support. I get angrey when he can not give me it or rties but is unsuccessful. I too believe in a higher power.
Today like you I have decided to leave his battle to him and his Hp. I do not want to watch him anymore. I hope you get the help and support you need.
I'm so sorry you are going through this = ( I wish I could give you advice but like you I just started seeking help for myself...
Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone = ) Everyday it gets better (with the help of this board) some days are worse then others but I'm learning that this is his problem and I have that choice to no longer be a part of it.... Hopefully coming here and listening to other peoples situations give you courage to seek more help for yourself because that is what it has done for me!!!
-- Edited by Hopeless on Thursday 22nd of April 2010 09:08:05 AM
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
I can relate to you so much because I also struggled with being pregnante with an abusive husband. Please keep coming back and if gets abusive get out! There is a better life through this program and things will get better, not only for you but you will be able to give your kids a better environment and a healthier life by putting in action the things you learn here.
Lots of love
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
Welcome to MIP. So glad that you found us. You are in the right place and you are not alone.
When I first found the rooms of alanon I had a 2 year old and was also pregnant with my second child. My "A" and I had both hit our bottom and if not for my parents coming to my rescue and the man who would eventually become my "A"s sponsor I don't think either of us would be alive today.
My "A" is my ex husband. At the time I found al-anon he lived for his drugs and I lived for him. My life was tangled with his that I could not tell you where he ended and I began. He was my everything and I was desperate to save him.
We split for a little bit at that time and I was devestated. A single mom of a 2 year old and one on the way. I dove into the al-anon program (well at the time that is what if felt like. I can see now I wasn't as willing as I thought I was) and I leaned on the ladies in the program. They helped me see that I was not alone.
You are making positive steps to help yourself. Keep it up. Can you get to meetings in your area? If not there are meetings in the chat room. Post when you need to. You are never alone.
Take care of you and be safe.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
You may want to call the dept. of Human Resources if you are in the USA. Considering you are pg and he is mean and aggressive, they may be able to help you. There are also other organizations that help people like you.
I am so sorry hon, A stuff is the worst. You are so wise to be taking steps to make your children and your life better. love,deb
Welcome to MIP!. Living with an alcoholic is more than most of us can bear. Keep coming back to Alanon because you are not alone. There is experience, strength and hope here and at face to face meetings. Take care ofyourself and you children.
Its good that you check in to MIP and we're glad you are here. So now we all agree that you are not alone. We all agree that your story is very usual for those who choose to get into a relationship with an alcoholic. The person you love is missing in action just like mine was and I was loving a figment of my imagination. My denial kept her real and that is what fueled the false hope. Like you I was loss and making decisions for me to change the situation. When I left I was in the program and didn't have a car and didn't have a place to stay much less any of the material possessions I once had. Alcoholism disolves everything period.
Getting to the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups was the best suggestion I got and support. I was told to get literature; to sit down and listen; learn, practice and keep coming back. When I first went they suggested I go to 90 meetings in 90 days and I did that an a bit more. There was soooo much to listen to and learn from as I was brain dead and clueless about alcoholism at the time.
You are at the right place at the right time and though it is difficult at this time because of your pregnancy I'll suggest that you look up the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area and get the meeting places and times and go. We also have a young firstime mother to be in our Home Group in Hilo who has realized that she will not get from the alcoholic the support she needs to have from the Family Groups.
I am glad you made it here and are reaching out for support. Count us as Family. (((((hugs)))))
Many of us have been in places that were seemingly hopeless. When I left the ex A I had no money, no unemployment, not much to show for 7 years and a desperation.
I am still digging myself out of the mess I got myself into with him. I may always be trying to correct it. The good news is that I don't permit any more chaos to come in. I'm only dealing with that garbage not another layer and still another layer of it.
Al anon can help you tremendously. If you can be here for a while and look at other people's stories and progress you will know that there are ways out of this kind of dilemma. Noone is saying they are easy, overnight or miraculous but there are people who have been in your shoes here and in meetings everywhere.
One thing that has helped many of us are Al-Anon meetings. If you haven't been, give it a try. You will find much support and understanding there.
I would hope that with you being pregnant and having a young child that they will be able to move you to the top of the list quickly. I agree with Deb that hopefully that is enough to get some attention. I know when I need things to happen quickly I just stay on it, call daily, make myself a pain until I get what I want. Just never give up.
Please keep you and your children safe, that is of the utmost importance. Please let us know how things progress and try to stay calm as possible during this precious time so that little girl can grow well.
Please keep coming back. We are here for you.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
