The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so sad, My ABF gas been back in the grips of the disease for around three weeks. The consequences he now faces are big lost his best friend stole 1400 off of him. His kids do not want to know. So he is trying with all his might to win me over. He has rang his sponsor and is going back to the rooms tonight. I on the other hand had decided enough was enough that I can not do this anymore Me and my kids deserve a happy life. Last couple of days he has been hounding me. It is so hard not to respond I do care for him so much. We have had the odd one or to short conversations and its all the same old stuff his self pity, guilt, regrets and promises. I know he loves me, I know he is sick and it is not personal. But I have had too much pain. He rang at 2.30 am I did not answer he knows I have work. He rang about 6 times from 6.30 am in the end I answered. He said he is going to get strong so he can take care of me. I told him he needs to take care of himself and if he loves me would he please leave me alone. I have just rang in work sick, I am devastated, 5 years of hoping, trying to support I have nothing left to give. I feel like he has died. But I know this too shall pass, I want a happy life.
thanks for listening
-- Edited by Tracy on Thursday 22nd of April 2010 02:48:24 AM
I'm so sorry you're hurting, but it is amazing and inspiring to watch the program at work. Good for you for doing what you need to do to take care of you and your children!
When I split up with my exAH, I felt like he had died. In time I realized that I was grieving the loss of what I wanted him to be, not the reality of what was. I had all this hope that he would get sober and we'd be so happy - but I got to the place where I had to ask myself, if nothing changes for the rest of my life, do I want to live tihs way? The answer was NO. That's just my ESH, take what you like if any of it applies, and leave the rest.
I hope you have a good day - blessings and prayers!
Tracy it is so hard when we have wanted it, whatever it is, so long. Hon even if he was in recovery, it is possible he is not the one for you.
We never know what the future will bring. I never thought I would get back with my AH. I did but at this point, not sure I regret it or not. I don't think I do.
good for you not allowing him to contact you. Like all of us, the disease always tries to manipulate us. If he really loved us, he would respect us and honor what we want, but as usual it is what they want that is number one!
In time you will change, your feelings will change. Al anon will cont. to teach you things that will help you.
It is a horrible pain. For me it has been years now. But I still have not forgot. Was like my stomach was being pulled out!
sigh. You will heal hon, I promise. Allow yourself to rest, take naps. Treat yourself kindly, a broken heart is horrible.
you need to allow yourself time to heal too. be kind to yourself. focus on your new life and your kids. he will do what he thinks is right for him - sadly that may not be what is right for you and your kids. we all have a cut off point when enough really is enough.
I am really sorry you are in such pain.....enough is enough when we just can't take it one more second.
I have personally been where you are and i understand your feelings...please hang in there give yourself sometime to focus on y0u and the kids...i promise it does get a little easier as time passes....one second at a time....hold on dear friend.....
I am so sorry. A happy life is here to be had and it will come a little more One Day at a Time. We are here to hold you up and give you virtual hugs as you move through this.
It is hard to loose the dreams, but new ones will come. You are right, you deserve a happy life.
You will be in my prayers tonight.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
