The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm sorry he is not ready for AA. It is disapointing to hear that from someone you care about. It is alright to feel that way, just as you said try not to take it personally, allow yourself a tiny bit of time to feel disapointed and let it go. (((Hopeless)))
This disease is so very disappointing and I am sorry that you are experiencing added confusion.
I urge you to detach from any and all "statements" spoken by the A to you or reported to you by any of his friends. The disease of alcoholism loves to live in chaos and confusion. Misleading statements, half truths, etc are all part of the disease that tries to entrap us into buying ito the madness and causing a bigger mess. That is the reason alanon stresses that we:
Take care of our own recovery, We attend meetings, We get a sponser, we work the steps , we Live Ons Day at a Time, we Focus on Ourselves and MInd our Own Business. We are so busy taking care of our stuff we cannot focus or be concerned about theirs.
Good luck at your meeting tomorrow. Remember to focus on your own well being and that or your child. Let us know how it goes
It's okay to be disappointed ... but ultimately, you're right - his decision. Just like choosing recovery for yourself is your decision!! The good news is, you can get better no matter what he chooses. You don't have to stay stuck in the insanity.
I can and can't believe that he choose this life style over us.. He is so convinced that it's not for him yet expects me and my kids to just accept it... I realized tonight there is no reasoning with him it's all about what he wants and when it want its... I heard the same stories that I've been told for the past 3 years now... I'm just waiting for the "I don't have a drinking problem" mentality to come following, it always does...
I just can't fathom this thinking?!?! I know if I cared about someone and I was doing something to jeopardize my relationship/family I would try my best to stop it... I know this is a diease but you're all right I have the CHOICE to no longer be apart of it...
I don't want this at all I don't want to live this life anymore.
I'm in a stressful situation and it just hit me that I'm going to be a single mother AGAIN! I have one going through puberty and the other going through the terrible two's... I need to get help for myself so I can be strong for my kids rather then be stagnate...
I'm going to commit myself to this program because I obviously have some major co dependent issues... I've NEVER been a selfish person and because of that I find myself in these circumstances... I can no longer do this to myself it's not fair I'm a good person I do not deserve this!
-- Edited by Hopeless on Wednesday 21st of April 2010 09:07:32 PM
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Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
The thought of not getting help for something that is destructive is NOT rational, so of course you can't understand it. The whole disease is insane. An active alcoholic is not operating based on logic or rationality. None of the behaviors make sense ... alcohol is poison, yet they keep drinking. They wake up with hangovers, they lose jobs, they get in accidents, they lose families, and they keep drinking. That does not sound very sane to me.
Alcoholics can't control themselves when they are stuck in their disease. It's not a lack of willpower or that they don't love their families or realize that their disease is causing problems. When my AH relapsed a year ago, I saw him hang his head in shame every morning when he got up. I listened to him tell me he was sorry for getting drunk, and I have no doubt that he was sincere when he said those things. But he was stuck in his disease and couldn't just choose to stop all by himself. I know he loved me, but when he drank it didn't have anything to do about whether he loved me or whether he didn't. He drank because he's an alcoholic and alcoholics drink. Period. End of story.
I'm glad you're getting help for yourself. It was really nice for me when I got to a place where what my AH was doing 24-7 did not consume my life, and I was able to function and to be mentally present as a mother and as an employee. I didn't have that ability when I got here. He drank and I got crazier and crazier and more and more obsessed and had absolutely no idea why.
"Just for today I will live thru this day only..." from the Just For Today Al-Anon Pamphlet. That's for you because the blessing is about self focus and living only in the moment or the day if we can manage that. Recovering Alcoholics have a "yet" statement which basically says something hasn't happened for them "yet". Most of the time it is referring to some trajedy they have escaped so far however it also can mean that "He isn't ready for the program YET". Trust your HP and stand out of the way between His HP and himself. Get into the meeting rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups and go after fixing you. It is your life that you are responsible for; invest yourself into your life and your recovery. In support (((((hugs)))))
I too did not want to become selfish but think of selfishness as self preservation. You have to be a little selfish to even honestly look within and determine what your true needs are (vs. ur fantasies).
I now know that working on me, focusing on me and putting me first, is about me becoming the best person I can be, valuing, honoring, loving and respecting me first - so I can be emotionally autonomous, healthy and able to respnd (not react) in appropriate ways.
Good for you, for getting informed legally and determining the right action to take for you and your kids. Protect yourself.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I think once I get the custoday situation settled I will be able to concentrate on me even more... The anxiety of it all is just overwhelming it's been a rollar coaster for me since I filled the PFA and it's not going to stop till custody is filed...
It's insane to see so many different type of A's but in the end there personalities are all the same...
It's a shame, what a waste....
-- Edited by Hopeless on Thursday 22nd of April 2010 12:21:12 PM
__________________
Courage is not a roar. Sometimes Courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow"
