The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I work in a dysfunctional environment and live in one too. My roomates are addicts and alcoholics and seem to go out of their way to create and manufacture chaos.
At one time I took this all tremendously personally. I saw both the situations as a marker that I was doomed (dramatic I know!).
Lately I have been able to manage the mode of detachment so that I am not sucked in and therefore drained of all my energies.
Being addicts and alcoholics the roommates have lots of drama, nervous breakdowns (two hospitalizations in a month, domestic violence with arrests you name it). At one time I saw this too as a mark that I was dysfunctional too. While certainly my roomates actions affect me and I can't say I can ignore it all or rise above it all, nevertheless their actions and inactions (if I'm being correct) no longer rule my life. Certainly I make a lot of adjustments in my detachment. I make a lot of choices not to focus on their actions and to go out of my way not to let them affect me. In order to do that I had to of course be able to withstand the fall out that came with that. My people pleasing ways were far more popular with my roommates even though that came with my resenting them toxically and the drama that goes with that.
I no longer spend my days feeling lost in a cloud of toxic relating. I can let go daily and I have to since my job is totally dysfunctional, irrational and incoherent too.
I can even at times feel content even though of course I would rather be a million miles away from both the house and the work location (that leaves me my commute hours to not be affected by drama, chaos and craziness and even that is not a given!).
When I first got here I had no idea that detachment was so crucial to the tools of al anon for me. I could not have left the ex A without detaching, not arguing, not haranging and not being obsessed with the now ex A. In addition I had to make a plan be. I have not yet got to the plan be that will get me out of the job and the place I live at. I know there is a way out though and part of that is detaching.
I never thought I would be able to live around chaos, craziness, addiction and survive but I do. The next mode is to move onto more than survival to move on to celebrating life on every level. I'm not there yet but I can see it is a possibility rather than something I will never have.
I love this 'a cloud of toxic relating' oh boy was me to a tee, have stopped it though and tackle thing a little more, rather than retreating to the cloud, pointless, say a prayer for them thats what I do now and move on girl.
I let the action of focusing on me - remind me to also always be detaching from other's issues, moods, feelings, whims, opinions -- I cannot take it personally -- I have to deal with what I am going through emotionally -focus on- what can I do right now to improve my situation and/or allow me to feel better.
When I got here five years, ago -- I'd spent my life with my energy, running out on me and into other things and people. Now I dont have those energy leaks bc I have learned to nourish myself first. It seems as though I have developed inner boundaries (emotional, spiritual, intellectual) or they have surfaced as I've gone along, I have a stronger sense of self, now.
I used to feel bad all the time bc I owned other people's stuff, I belived what they told me and took responsibility for it, I felt guilty. Now I only take responsibility for me... and if I dont like it, I work on changing it, until I do feel good about me. Working on me and detaching with love from others are two sides to the same coin. lol
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
