The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night was another hurtful experience, for someone not living this life, they would just say "whatever" My A always has time for everyone, mostly his friends and of course his drinking. We have stuff that needs to be done at our house, but it is always on hold. I know that I will end up getting things like the ceiling fan up etc. myself. Last night his buddy "needed" him to help load his boat. Of course he did, which ends up having to drink too.
He explained to me that 7 our of our 8 years together he has drank. That's who he is. I said well, 7 out of 8 years, I have screamed and thrown things, but I don't do that anymore. His response was that the only reason I don't do that anymore is because he called the police and had me arrested. So I was forced to change. So of course I said, If you were arrested would you quite drinking. (why I thought his answer would be different is beyond me) He answered with.......probably not.
I know that the relationship will not last. I don't trust him, the lies and broken promises, the disappointment and the hurtful things he says when he is drunk. I am glad I have found this site. Just writing seems to help. Thanks
Thanks for sharing with us. When I post, and read others, I no longer feel alone.
A couple of years ago, my A said he had only one life to live, and he had no intentions of doing what I wanted him to do. So, I left. He quit, I returned. (Bad move?) Anyway, I guess most A's must do what they want, as long as your boundaries permit that behavior.
I'm glad you feel better having posted. I hope you have a better day today. Doesn't it feel good to have the power to keep your mouth shut???? When I can do so, I feel like I won that particular battle.
Most will continue on until they have something to lose that they do not want to lose. And they will even make you think you are not important enough to lose.
I even asked my husband once, if he would treat his 2nd wife better. He said, while active alcoholic," of course!" That hurt.
But....me in alanon, and him realizing I was changing, things around him were changing, and that he was losing me...........sent him straight to AA.
This program CAN work miracles. If anyone can, God/HP can.
I had to turn my spouse over to his Higher Power. Anyway, for those alcoholics that do not quit, regardless, this program gives us the tools to take care of ourselves, protect ourselves, and our sanity.
I just cannot believe sometimes how we all have the same things happen from our A.
I mean are most of our A's, thoughtless, make us an afterthought, everyone elses stuff including theirs is important, but ours.. who cares?
I read my life in your post. My A had no money. I had an extra heavy duty storm door. uno with the metal protection bars? Guess where it got put up, not my door, HIS MOMS!! I could not believe it when I was over there. He did not even ask me. I paid for it out of my inheritance.
I am so naive. He has a "friend" he always does things for. In fact he is working with him now doing farm work. It took finding out this guy gives him drugs to control him. I didn't know. The guy snuck some xanax and put them on top of my front tire. My car had died out on the road.
Well he did not find out until after I drove the car. He asked me to take him to where my ccar was, he said he left a tool there. Then there he is scooping up what he could find with his knife and licking it.
If that is not sick. We left and he even asked me a day later to take him back there!!
NO one can tell me it is not a disease, no one can tell me a person is not sick when they do stuff like that.
He used to beg me and Larry, his now dead brother for pills for his headache. He would be all in pain and holding his head. This was before I was wise to it, years ago. Well I started noticing when I said I would go get him a couple, he got all animated and stopped holding his head.
Well once Larry asked me, haven't you noticed how he will come over all down and as soon as he knows he will get drugs he is all happy?
tricks of the disease. My eyes are so open, I don't even want to see him anymore. I want to see my husband, but the disease has absorbed him totally.
i guess for me, when I realized for sure, he did not love me, and he did not need me, it made it ever so much easier to walk away. I write him letters and don't mail them. Becuz the man I married lives inside me. It is ' not that evil demon who is rotting my husbands body.
Anyway I am sad about what you go thru. Alanon will help you. I am glad you vented. Makes me even stronger in my commitment not to be around the A.
I understand much of what you are dealing with. For me, living with an active a was like living with a dead person. All he cared about was his beer. I think it is a guy thing- to put things off. But if someone else needed something- he did it right away because he wanted to make a good impression on them.
He was not participating in the marriage, in his role as a father, not participating in life. I felt so alone. But an active a is just not capable of giving. I was taught expectations lead to resentments.
