The material presented
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If it were me I would confront the person. Letting them know about the anonimity of AA and Al Anon. Request he or she not share your business with anyone else.
We teach others how to treat us, so to me it is vital to stand up for ones self.
If you can try to not use the you did this you did that.
"I feel very betrayed that my attending an anonymous meeting was shared with others!' Then it is in their lap. If you say you did this etc, they instantly get defensive and may turn it around and try to start an argument.
I sure hope you still go to your meetings! hugs,debilyn
A co-worker of mine attended a few Al-Anon meetings a while ago - I haven't seen her back in the meetings since, but she was really great about not saying anything to anyone - at least not to my knowledge. I assured her, too, that I wouldn't mention seeing her there, either.
Realistically, I don't really mind if people know I attend Al-Anon. I don't feel any less for it - however I completely understand the ramifications it holds for others and I respect that completely.
It's unfortunate as it came through the grapevine to you. The person apparently has a hard time keeping things to his- or herself. Of course, the person also gave him- or herself away that they're attending Al-Anon, too.
I understand your feeling hurt. Hugs to you. Let us know how you worked it out.
I'm so sorry, Hurt. Obviously the person who spread it isn't trustworthy. I believe I would confront her/him as well and perhaps call for the topic of Anonymity and why it's important at one of your meetings.
However, I hope you won't give up on meetings; I believe the breaking of anonymity is a pretty rare occurrence. You have so much to gain in Al-anon. In the long haul, this incident I hope will be put behind you.
I understand your upset in regards to this. I take the anonymity of Alanon very seriously and I expect others to as well. I actually lost a sponsor (with 25yrs) recently because I told her I was uncomfortable with her revealing to me who we had in common that have been in program at one time or another. I didn't think it was my business to know and when I told her so, she became hostile and defensive. She took on an air of "how dare you tell me how to behave?" We haven't talked since.
On the other hand, we are all non-perfect people and I think sometimes people like us, who tend to focus on everyone else, can be careless when it comes to talking about/spreading gossip about others. I can see how careless repeating of alanon information is the actions of someone with a VERY weak program.
If it were me, I would definitely bring this up to the person and be as non-threatening as possible. As they say, "say what you mean, but don't say it mean."
You can also feel it necessary to talk to the ex-coworker and remind them of our spiritual foundation of all our traditions which places principles before personalities. Then keep going to your meetings. Your recovery will outlast the event. Hope he gets it. ((((hugs))))
I think the reason I am so upset is not about me, but my AexBF. I don't want people knowing his problems. It's not fair to him. It's obvious who I refer to at the meetings and now I'm afraid my current coworker knows my dirty laundry.
I am sorryu are experiencing this , dont judge the program by one persons behavior , it is unfortunate that your co worker chose to break your anonymity . I would speak directly to the person in question and let them know you are not pleased and ask that he refrain from mentioning it again . Please dont stop now = don't let one persons carelessnes ruin your path to recovery .. Louise
Breaking confidentially is bad, but it doesn't sound as if your A's anonymity was necessarily broken. Just because you were at an Al-Anon meeting doesn't mean it's your partner who drinks -- you could have an alcoholic parent, sibling, friend... So the fact that your co-worker mentioned that you were at an Al-Anon meeting doesn't automatically give away anything about your partner. That's not to say the breach of confidentiality was okay.
Just to observe, though, that you aren't responsible for protecting him from the consequences of his drinking, which includes the fact that people might know he's a problem drinker. Very few problem drinkers are able to hide it from everyone, even though they think they're hiding it. So my guess is that the people he's around most often already know. Not that you want it to be a subject of gossip at your workplace, obviously. But it probably comes out elsewhere. That's the price we pay for being with an alcoholic -- people often know they're an alcoholic.
