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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How can I deal with having to see X-A at kids baseball games every day for the next few months??
Post Info TOPIC: How can I deal with having to see X-A at kids baseball games every day for the next few months??
sdisnie


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How can I deal with having to see X-A at kids baseball games every day for the next few months??
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Starting next week my boys have baseball games every single day.  I will now have to start seeing the ex, when I have been able to completely keep him away and out of my life.  Having to deal with his presense at these games is terrifing to me.  I've been healing because the best thing for me is to not have to see him or deal with him.  This is going to put me back to square one of the healing process.  He has caused so much pain and is still causing pain for me because of the way he chooses to live.  I know that I have no control over that, and I have begun to accept that...but that is because I dont have to see it.  Now that I will have to see it........

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Mandy123


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(((Shanda))),
Can you possibly take a friend with you the games. Maybe it would help to have some support there.

I have a coin with the Serenity Prayer on it and some times I carry it with me. When I need to I stick my hand in my pocket and just feel the coin. No one sees this, but I can feel it. I say a quick prayer and then go about with what ever it is that I was doing. It helps keep me grounded. Sometimes I bring my literature with me and it can do the same thing.

Take really good care of yourself over the next couple months.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy

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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall

God is seldom early, but he is never late.
Loupiness


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((Shanda))

Honestly, everytime I read your posts I see my life! I've attempted to respond many times, but feel almost overwhelmed with emotion that I don't know where to start. I understand the pain of infidelity combined with aism/addiction so well, and to be honest, sometimes I am concerned my responses won't be reflective of al-anon. Regardless, I see this one as an "emergency" of sorts, so here goes...

So, baseball.... let's see... I did that for two dreadful years and got submerged in coping strategies! Seeing the exAH wasn't as bad as seeing his girlfriend who was always there, as well as her (unknowing) husband who was the coach (because their child was on the team and my daughter's friend!)!

Tip #1 Always have a chair. The benefit to baseball is there is opportunity for creative seating. The g/f never sat in the bleachers, and always put a chair near the outfield. At a different field where I knew that was not possible, I brought chairs and put them behind the fence, close to home base (which worked well since my daughter was catching). In this situation, I was also keeping my 4 yr old distracted and wanting to stay with me. Tip #2. Pack young ones a lunch bag with a drink, and surprise goodies. When my ex made it to the games, he stood the whole time (far away from where I was). At times when I was feeling particularly vulnerable (or violent - oops, sorry, that's the non al-anon part) and I knew my exAH would be going, I'd miss a game and give my daughter a very valid reason as to why I wasn't going. Tip #3 I came to the conclusion that as long as my kids have at least one parent watching their game, it is okay.

Shanda, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know what it is like to feel as if there is always a new challenge. You can do this, and it will get better. It will. Remember, everything changes. As many times as I thought I would crumble from the pain, I faced a new day over and over again. Now I see more sunshine than rain. In time, you will too. You are strong, and you are worthy, and you will make it through.

In support of you,
Lou

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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace.
~ Ronald Reagan~

Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't
~Marguerite Bro~
Loupiness


~*Service Worker*~

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Oh, I want to add one more thing.... now into our third year, and my exAH sits near me in the bleachers. We have two games today, and I don't dread it at all. I still do not like his living situation and I have come to realize that I really don't like him, but I can sanely tolerate sitting with him at functions for the sake of my kids.

Thinking of you...

Blessings,
Lou

__________________

Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace.
~ Ronald Reagan~

Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't
~Marguerite Bro~
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How can I deal with having to see X-A at kids baseball games every day for the next few months??