Today I release old idealized versions of the past in exchange for a sturdy stance on firm ground.   

One way I survived my childhood was to create an idealized version of it.  ..... Long out of my family home I may still recreate versions of this idealized family among my friends and lovers.  This may have an insidious effect on my sense of being grounded and able to act from a sturdy stance.  For if my reality is not based on truth, it will always be vulnerable to tumbling down like Humpty Dumpty.

It feels frightening to stick to being real.  I have often given myself the illusion of joy by nostalgically looking back on the idealized picture.  But one day at a time I give myself a chance to stand on firmer soil.  I do not avoid the fears that come with change.  I allow others to be real.  I allow myself to be exactly how I am.

---June 3rd, Daybreak by Maureen Brady; Hazelden Book/Harper Collins   1991