The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I get up, I go to work, I take care of my house and everyone in it.
I had to hear today at work the endless talk of successful children, loving grandchildren, lives that seem to glide through life from one accomplishment to the next. I am just relieved if I make it through the day without drama that only an addicted adult child can bring into your life.
I am on my pity- pot today, maybe tomorrow I can bring into remembrance of all the things I am thankful for.
It may not be my child. But Dream, I was sooo happy when I was finally happilly married again with my second A. After being a widow for 18 years, seeing the flowers and cards coming in, the vacations spoken about etc.
I was blessed to have it all. Then bam it was over.
Learned in time that no ones as happy as they may appear.
But again I do know how you feel to an extent.
You have your son to love, and sometimes that is all we can do is love them. Hey we all get those down days.
I remember when I was little I told my mom I felt guilty praying, feeling sad about my life etc. When others had it so much worse. She told me no matter what, we have a right to our feelings too.
I don't believe in the pity pot thing so much. Not like we choose to be so beat down.
Myself I brougth flowers to work. Did my best to care for me.
Anyway do nice things for you. Please don't allow this awful disease ruin your life.
I so relate to what you posted it brought tears to my eyes. I too have an addicted child. He grew up in a 2 parent loving supportive home where there was no abuse of alcholol or drugs. And I hear from all the people I know who are A's themselves or have very dysfunctional households how wonderful thier children are doing, in school, work, family etc. And i just wonder why my child, why our family why why why i could go on. Don't get me wrong I certainly don't wish any of thier children to succumb to this disease but i mostly just stay quite and congratulat them on thier children, They all know about my son I don't keep it secret. But I feel totally left out of the conversations as I have nothing "amazing" or positive to contribute. Blessings to you and your child
Time for your new gratitude list? You likely do have plenty to be proud of if you look deep enough. Just my opinion. I have been were you are. It can get better. :) wp
Gratitude list for sure and an attitude of wanting to play!!. If I don't play I crawl back into my hole and pull the darkness in around me and then...my dream also is over. Stay away from the hole...be grateful and PLAY. Let the children teach you like I let them teach me in the past. ((((hugs))))
Glad you came , it shows your reaching out, because being with an addict we tend to isolate. I use to think nobody will understand my life. One thing about this life is that we are always in flux and change will come about, nothing stays the same forever.
Meantime, know that we are powerless over this disease, but not our own lives. At any given moment we can decide to do for ourselves what we have to do, move forward and use the tools of this program that are here just especially for us spouses of addicts. I divorced the ah in my life and thought that it would bring me relief. All it made me feel was alone. It still took awhile. So just because we get rid of the A doesnt mean we get rid of the isolation. Today, Im still alone, but feeling good about my life and making a plan.
Know that we are here to support you, wishing you strength and courage and hope. Bettina
I think as Mothers of As we carry a sorrow every day. I dont know if this underlying sadness will ever leave me so I have to find ways of living my life with it.
My sons best friend from when he was born is super successful in his life, his mother was one of my best friends. I know as my son sank further into his disease she felt awkward talking to me about her son and his successes. Our friendship has cooled from her side, I understand why and Im ok with it..... Ive moved on in Alanon. Ive let go of expectations, the disappointments were crucifying me.
My mantra now is where theres life theres hope ....I just try to keep it simple. Some days it works some it doesnt. Bad days my Alanon blanket gets hugged tighter!! Ive only recently started a morning gratitude list. Im especially grateful to have found MIP and to know I need never be alone.
Please go out today, if you can, and treat yourself to something nice, you deserve it.......let me know what it is.
I need to lift my own bahoochie (Scottish for butt) of the pot too so Im going to take my own advice to you and go and splurge on something nice.
Moving on in Alanon.......is that a saying already or have I made a new one??!!
You have much to be proud of - hold onto that thought. Do something just for you. Phone a friend, meet up for a coffee or do what I have just been doing - hit the town for some retail therapy!
I could be very isolated by my AH but I make myself go out and do things with friends, I accept invitations on my own - scary sometimes but I do it and invariably enjoy myself. I just won't let him get me down to the extent where I isolate myself from my friends. It would be an easy thing to do - I just try to stay strong.
Oh and do I know how heavy we can feel. Getting up and out of the house is the hardest part. A walk, a drive . . . anything you enjoy. Maybe it will not make you feel perfect, but each improvement is progress.
Spring is here and it is BEAUTIFUL. Summer is on it's way and it has been several years since I have had a really good summer. I believe that is going to change this summer.
Good luck! You are in charge.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
