The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, it has been a while since my last post. I finally moved out and doing very well. This summer is going to be two years. My Ex-A is been sober for a little more than a year. It looks like everything is going well. But it is me. I don't want to go back to him even though he is showing a great effort in keeping up. He now is more involved with our son's activities and spends a lot of his time helping him with homework and stuff. I feel trap I don't feel any physical attraction and I can't forget all the pain that we went through. I feel that I need to try to have a new relationship with someone new, but at the same time can't be that open to anyone. In a few words I am messed up, need company, and do not know how or what to do.
One day at a time....and if you have to ....one hour at a time......Like you I wish I can see the future but it drives me mad sometimes, however when I think about the slogan, it helps me calm down and helps me focus on what is happening at the moment. Only you know what you really need *right now*.......and whatever you honestly feel....it's OK to feel that way (hugs to you)
Hello china and welcome , if your not already please find Al-Anon meetings for yourself , with or with out him you need support your life has been affected by another persons drinking .. the anger u are talking about u will take into a new relationship , the fears , the insecurities they will go with you until u understand how to come to terms with them our program will show u how to do that . your ex will be in your life for the rest of your life because of your son , learn to let go of the past and move on or trust me u will find another alcoholic and the merry go round will start over again . Once your settled here in our program your never alone again .
Aloha China...Al-Anon meetings were great for me under those conditions. There was much to learn from very learned people who had been where I was at and needed support and guidance to grow and heal. You sure sound like you've been trounced by the disease. Ugggh it broke me up bad also but healing is available. Go get it. ((((hugs))))
An aside...One of the phenomenoms of recovery when the alcoholic gets into recovery and the program and the spouse doesn't...The alcoholic outgrows the partner and the marriage often doesn't survice. If you're not in your own recovery you don't know what to focus on. If you focus on others your you're not concentrating on your own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 1st of April 2010 01:54:49 PM
HI China. A year sober is still very young. I've been told not to expect my husband to be anywhere close to being himself until he is 7 years sober. I know what you mean about the anger and lack of attraction. I think I had to remember that my husband maybe in recovery and working hard but how far in recovery was I? I became very ill too. It was almost like a grieving process that started. Grieving for what SHOULD have been. I had to get through the resentments to see what was really there.
Everyone is different. I couldn't stay with the active drinking and seperated for 2 years from him. I think that break helped me to see the relationship as a new one. I can remind myself when thing are tough that we have been together for 3 years now and not 26 as it says on the marriage certificate.
Alanon is about having choices though and to think about what they are. If it is your choice to leave then its the right one for you. Nothing is set in stone and minds can change further down the journey.
Time and alanon meetings are wonderful for giving myself time to think clearly about my choices and to stand by my own needs without guilt.
Good luck China. What is right for you today is the best solution Mon
As has been said, what you are feeling is not unusual. You deserve to have love and companionship in your life. Yes living with this disease has left horrible memories and pain within each of us.
Please try working this program. I found alanon helped where nothing else could. The slogans, focusing on myself, a sponser, working the steps all are set up so that we. who have been affected by this disease can begin to really live again.
We have meetings here 2xs a day and as has been suggested please try to find face to face meetings. Sharing here and at meetings will jump start your recovery.
You are worth it.!!!
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 1st of April 2010 08:59:07 AM
When I was feeling hurt, lost and alone, I found meetings to be great help. They provided me with an outlet for my pain, help for my self esteem, companionship in the form of my fellow members and great, great healing. Meetings along with reading CAL literature and talking with other Al Anons has helped me to heal the wounds that alcoholism has caused. I feel much happier and healthier. Now I feel that no matter what happens in this current relationship, I can go on to a healthier emotional life and relationships.
I used to look to a new relationship to 'fix' my problems. I've realized that all I was doing was distracting myself so that I didn't have to deal with the real problems. Me and my attitudes and actions. Focussing on me and looking at my part in things has helped me to move on to a better, happier, healthier place. Whether you decide to go or stay, you can have a good life with Al Anon.
-- Edited by Kiki52 on Thursday 1st of April 2010 11:39:54 AM
