The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
These are a few lines from one of my favorite Dylan songs, it expresses exactly how I feel at this moment.
I feel so low, I know I shouldn't be disappointed when my A son does what comes natural for him, its like "stepping through the looking glass" when trying to communicate with him.
I had to set some boundaries for him, and of course I am crazy, trying to control him, etc. You all know the scene, screaming, cursing, he never gets any help from anyone.
My sister didn't help my feelings when she suggested that if he has a nervous breakdown everyone will think it is the family's fault for not supporting him enough.
I can identify with the Bob Dylan quote. When I first walked thru the doors of alanon that is exactly how I felt!!!.
You are right!!! Your son is doing exactly what his disease is telling him to do. I am so glad you have this Board to come to and have people who can hear you and be your support. I do hope you have found Face to Face meetings in your Community.
Sharing, Working the Steps, Using the Slogans, Living ODAT helped me to keep my sanity.
Remember your sister and people who do not understand alcoholism will say many things that make no sense. I felt that If my son found help, I did not care what others thought. That is what I told people what they made silly statements.
Praying for your son and you.
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 30th of March 2010 08:58:53 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 30th of March 2010 09:10:09 PM
So sorry you're feeling so sad. The disease just wares us down. Sometimes, as well as setting boundaries for the alcoholics in our lives, we also need to take time out for ourselves to do some much needed self care. We are only as strong as our recovery, and we sometimes neglect ourselves.
Aloha L....Screaming is okay. That's what I learned; as long as I am conscious of some little rules but screaming is okay and so is tantruming. Imagine a grown (somewhat over grown in a few areas) man throwing a tantrum in public even. I got permission to release some anger and anxiety that way as long as I had those minor rules. So I did; jump up and down and stomp my feet and shake my arms up and down with clenched fists and bobbing my head... you know like we use to when were were tots? It still worked and then when I learned more I didn't have any need for it because I took care of what would cause the tantrum before it got control of me.
Go try it...back yard, front yard (careful here) parking lot (also takes some caution)...don't hurt yourself or others and when you are done (1 minute is a very long time to tantrum...20 secs is good for me) you are done...straighten up your costume, put a smile on your face and go back to what you were doing unless that was trying to kill whatever was causing you the angst. Let us know how it comes out for you. I'd like to see it go international even. Instead of throwing a war...tantrum. (((((hugs)))))
One of the hardest things for me to deal with at one time was worrying about what my A's family thought of my actions towards him. I understand how those words would hurt and be so frustrating. I don't know if that worrying thing ever completely goes away but I can say when push came to shove it no longer mattered to me what anyone thought or said. I learned enough to know that if they had walked in my shoes and could have done better, I would have given them the credit due, and if they had done the same or worse i would have given them the compassion due. Then I realised which people I needed to hear the truth from, not biased opinion and misunderstanding. You are doing the best you can at any given moment and that is well enough. Big hug.
(((((hugs)))))