The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My daughter is currently in an extensive rehabilitation program and as you I always believed that alcoholism was a choice and all it took was will-power and a firm desire to stop. Along with the addict recognizing the first step and sincerely believing it with all their heart, mind, and soul. This was especially difficult for me to believe because I am a person who has strong will-power and can use self-discipline when it came to quit smoking 8 years ago after 2 packs a day for 18 years, losing 100 lbs just by disciplining myself to eat healthy foods-- not necessarily dieting, but rather limiting the amount of junk I CHOSE to ate.
The weekend program that was strongly required for the families of the adolescents that are in the treatment center was outstanding... I've had years of counseling, tons of reading pertaining to Alcoholism, which included A.A, Alanon material along with other materials relating to codependency in general. What I didn't realize is the extent of the DISEASE of Alcoholism and agree that it was a disease UNTIL this weekend.
What I learned changed how I look at my daughter, my ex-boyfriend and any other person that is drinking or using OTHER drugs. I learned that when an addict is in the addictive stage of their behavior there are only two outcomes-- either fix it (get help) or death. I also learned that because of the biological effects that drug usage has on the brain, some much more detrimental than others that even if the addict has a strong desire to stop in the heart and soul that how the brain reacts to their addiction makes it virtually impossible when presented with continued triggers of that addiction.
To be more specific, when cocaine is used, the brain itself actually begins to work around the stimulation that the cocaine has on the brain-- also causing damage to many areas of the brain that can contribute to comprehension.... The more the drug is used, the more difficult it is to gain this function back. Thus, the brain "remembers" this addictive substance and begins to crave this substance completely. When the addict is in recovery and has a "trigger"... (perhaps being around someone using or an environment that is unhealthy for them) the brain actually begins to crave the drug.......
I also learned that with any drug the level of high a person gets from the drug while using, when worn off completely does the opposite in their mood when it wears off. For example, if someone drinks and is happy and excited, full of energy and the life of a party feeling great--- the more this feeling is emphasized while using, you can expect the exact same extent of the opposite emotions when they are coming off whatever it is they are using, whether it be alcohol and/or other drugs. The reaction is always complete opposite of what the initial high was and until their body goes back into balance, they'll experience these highs and lows. As many of us know as detox.. However, detox actually happens over and over and over again as an active user continues to have their day or two of extreme use and then a 1/2 day or so of no drugs..... Thus, the cycle continues. Because they don't like the feeling of the counter action of the drugs wearing off with the combination of the actual brain craving the drug, they begin to use again.
This disease is very sad, as it claims the lives of many and I must say until this weekend, I had NO IDEA the extent of how much of a disease it really is.... the more addicted, the more difficult it is to reverse the effect the drug had on the brain. This being the case, I can have much more compassion for the user at this point and learn to completely detach since most of what I found out is that they are really unaware of how detrimental and the extreme effect their drug use has taken on their brain.
The BEST thing you can do, is take care of you-- focus on you and what it is that you need for strength, guidance, direction and understanding in knowing what is best for you. Of course, there will be pain because I don't think anyone will ever truly understand the nature of this disease OR any tragic experience we must face while here for this short time, BUT what we can do is try to become a better, loving, kind person and be proud of who we are in being able to love others.....
Thank you so much for this sensitive reply to my post.
With your compasionalte explantion you have helped me to see things another way and I thank you for that. It is true that someone who behaves this way can't be well. When we are actually seperated my husband is beside himself with grief and I guess I conveniently forget that when we get back together and he is a bigger jerk than ever.
These are not the actions of someone well, healthy, or sane...
Thanks for taking the time to explain your view so completely and thoroughly in a way that makes snese and is helping me have a more compassionate view of my husband.
