The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am currently sitting at home with my ten month old baby.
Monday I pick my AH from rehab.
I am such a ball of stress, I do not know what to do, where to go, how to act.
I have seen him twice since he went in. I like the guy I have talked to. I just don't know him and I don't trust ANY of it.
Logically, in my head I think that I need to give him the benefit of the doubt. That is it not fair to him if I hold on to all the old ugliness, but I do not know how to let it go.
How do I do that?
He only went to rehab because after his last bender I told him he either needed to get help or leave because I would not ever subject our baby to remembering his ups and downs.
Yet I have subjected myself for four years. I even married him in the midst of one of his sober times.
I believed he had gotten sober. I feel stupid. Hurt. Confused.
Don't beat yourself up as I did. Hoping and praying this would change, and they never have. After 40 years of marriage I am still hoping, praying and waiting for my breakthrough. I have one son who is married and has a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She is my blessing from God to help me thru everything. What I am saying is that I know my son has scars from growing up with his dad being drunk all the time and I know they hurt. I have scars from my Dad, as he also was an A. The cycle seems to never end..Break the cycle if you are strong enough...I was not....You can not help the A, you have to help yourself.
Aloha CD...yes they do go away...after you become willing and able to practice letting them go. They are there because you're holding on to them. I understand the fear and distrust. That was a biggie for me until I let her go to be the person at that time she was practicing to be and which I was totally powerless over. I use to think that she drank and initiated all of the other crazies that she would do when drinking, just to get at me but then how could that be other than how I was thinking and feeling. Alcoholism is a disease and one of it's symptons is insanity for the alcoholic and those associated with the alcoholic. Feel crazy? Normal until you get help. He may have some benefit from rehab. Don't go on without some benefit for yourself. Contact Al-Anon in the white pages of your local telephone book and find out where and when the face to face meetings are and get there as quickly as you can. You may have to have someone help you with your daughter for a couple of hours but what is necessary is that you get help so that the situation can balance. When an alcoholic and/or addicts stops drinking and using often time things get worse because the disease has touched everyone and only one has gone and gotten some information and help. Believe me...rehab is not a guarantee of anything. You're needing others to be in support of yourself. Great that you came here because MIP is a cyber support center for thousands of others just like yourself.
Keep coming back here...make that phone call. (((((hugs)))))
This wanted to add my welcome and to stress that alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless. Alanon gave me tools that enabled me to live my life with with dignity and compassion regardless of if the alcoholic was driking or not.
PLease come here often, post aand attend meetings. You and your family are worth it
My partner and myself are not together, and I am due a baby in June, so I can kind of feel some of your situation. The advice here is so good and the meetings are something I plan on trying as I believe they will help me learn how to cope and the regular meetings will help keep reminding me and putting coping skills into practise.
My ex has been drug and alcohol free for almost 7 years and is well respected in the na and aa fellowship. He has done really well turning his life around and remaining drug free, but when you get close to him in a relationship you see he still has work to do on himself, as he describes 'im a work in progress'. In my experience the problems do not end when the drinking or drugs do. There will still be negative behaviours to work on.
It is not just my partner, a relationship is like a tango it does take two and both have equal parts. You have your steps your partner has theirs.
I equally have my own issues to work on, im attracted to men who are like my partner, I chose to go into the relationship. When I got to know him better and became more aware of is deeper issues I chose to stay attached to him. His issues hurt me at times, and I chose to stay in that hurt. When I explore myself and work out why I see I have just as many issues as him to work on. It is easy to look at his issues and avoid my own, but im learning not to do that.
I think what I am trying to say is try the meetings and work on yourself and I hope your partner does the same. Either way, if you work on yourself, you can handle whatever the future holds. That is the approach I am going to try anyway :)
