I think the biggest change for me in recent years is not only the boundary issue.  What I have stopped doing is thinking any alcoholic can understand me, meet my emotional needs or have empathy for me. 

I've spent decades trying to convert alcoholics and trying to squeeze out something from active alcoholics.  I have had to learn to be much much more self reliant and let go of the people pleasing.  My particular people pleasing cost me a fortune, decades of time and energy and tremendous upset.  I don't doubt my ill health was sometimes related to just that complete absorption.

I've also had to acknowledge my strengths.  Far from being a victim I actually became a real master at passive aggression.  I think now if anyone challenges me watch out!  I no longer have screaming matches, deal with people who are always arguing or obess about anyone who doesn't want help.  If they want help there are lots of resources besides me to get it.  There are times in life where I'm not up to offering much but the focus of trying to make my own situation a better one. 

I can slip very very easily into self pity mode and not count my blessings.  My life may be tremendously difficult at the moment with lots of obstacles.  There is no question its been harder and its been easier.  I know I won't always be in this space.  What I am grateful for is a place I belong.  I have a place here I can come to even when I feel frustrated alone and lost.  I can always center myself by knowing others are sharing this journey.  Furthermore knowing some people for a number of years and witnessing their recovery is such a wonderful tonic no matter what I am dealing with.

Maresie.