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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Very down
Post Info TOPIC: Very down
Tattyhead


Senior Member

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Very down
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Hi All. Just feeling down. My dear father died a week ago in hospital. They rang but I live 2 hours away and didn't get there in time. He would have been 89 next month and he has been ill for some time so in some ways it was a relief and a release for him. At last he is in peace.

I have spent the last 2 days sorting out his papers, registering the death, seeing funeral directors, etc etc. All the stuff you have to do when someone dies. The funeral will not be until 6th April due to Easter being in the way. Now I am back at home and I think it has all just sunk in and I'm starting to feel low.

AH won't be coming to the funeral with me. He isn't really in a fit state to be away from home for any length of time and to be honest, I can do without having to worry about him being there. But it is so sad - that he has got himself into such a state that he cannot go to his own father-in-law's funeral. He used to get on so well with him and we have been married for 38 years.

Oh well, I suppose it is natural to feel like this after a bereavement - just needed to get it out.

Tish x

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maire rua


~*Service Worker*~

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Dear Tish,
I am very sorry for your trouble. Please accept my condolences. I hope the funeral arrangements are not too stressful and am sending prayers your way.

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Maire rua
adonaisgirl


Veteran Member

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Posts: 32
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Just wanting to send hugs and prayers your way.  Allow yourself to feel your feelings and do what YOU need to in order to best walk thru this.  The best advice I got when my AH passed away suddenly was to conduct things in a way that would bring healing to MYSELF and OUR CHILDREN and the 'heck' with what anyone else thought about it.  It was a gift and I offer it now to you..... no second guesses, no trying to please everyone,  just do what is right in YOUR heart and you will be well.
blessings,
donna

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One Day at a Time
I am POWERLESS but not HOPELESS
Be sure to BREATHE and SMILE!!!
abbyal


~*Service Worker*~

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Hello Tatty am so sorry for your loss , I like you am grateful they arent suffering any more my dad passed away after a long illness a few yrs ago . thanks to this program there was nothing left unsaid between us . and he knew he was loved .. remember the good stuff tatty it will help , sit down with photo albums and enjoy ..  Louise

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I came- I came to-I came to be
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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So hard to lose our parents. NO matter what age we are we can feel like an orphan.

What you feel is very normal. I am glad you are not trying to hide it or stuff it away. Feeling everything will help you  heal.

Yes I get the AH not being able to be there for us. How sad for them and us!

I am glad you felt comfortable to come here and share. MUCH love, debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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(((Tish)))

I am so sorry for our loss

You and your family are in my thoguhts and prayers

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
ythannah


Senior Member

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Posts: 419
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I'm so sorry for your loss.  (((hugs)))

Now is the time to give yourself permission to feel -- whatever emotions you may have.  I found the whole business of dying (funeral arrangements, etc) was pretty distracting and sometimes I was so busy being organized that I lost sight of my feelings about the loss of my mother.

Not being a religious family, so not having hymns at the service, we decided to play some of her favourite songs instead and one of the ones we chose was a beautiful rendition of "Greensleeves" by Kiri Te Kanawa.  I cried about the first 20 times I played it.  So of course I kept playing it!

Sad that your AH can't be a source of comfort and support for you at this time.  I think that was one of the things I struggled the most with, being involved with an A -- that you couldn't really rely on them for anything.  It was just sheer luck that my XABF wasn't on a relapse when my mother passed, as his next relapse was only a month afterward.

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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
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