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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> stuck, angry, question about housing
Post Info TOPIC: stuck, angry, question about housing
lindseymommyof2


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stuck, angry, question about housing
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Hi- I am just...lost, My Afiance has been dry for 2 months now and this is like a rollercoaster ride! I can't help but have so much anger and try to keep things in when the kids are around. I just don't know how to NOT be angry.  I am trying to be happy around him, but it just crumbles-every little thing sets him off or me off.  He is trying so very hard to win me over and keep me in that "control" of his.

He tells me when we had an argument over me telling him I had finally opened the "secret" we have been keeping about his drinking habits to my parents (wrote an email)

I don't even know what he is trying to do, he is just trying to act happy all the time, which I know it a total face he is putting on to keep me around.

I have made up my mind that I will leave him eventually, but I just don't know when.

Does anyone know, if both of our names are on the house, but we have a joint account for our loan and he is the primary holder of the account would I loose the house since I don't have the loan?

Oh and were not married, so I don't know if that effects anything.

Thanks!

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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Aloha Lindsey...whatever you have signed can have a hook.  Best to re-read and ask for more clarity from those involved.
Suggestion?  Call the Al-Anon hotline number and have them tell you when and
where the face to face meetings are and take a break from the alcoholic.  Go to
a meeting and listen to people with solutions.   Good luck.

(((((hugs))))) smile

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kitty


~*Service Worker*~

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If both of ur names are on the house mortgage then ur both financialy responsible for it.  Same with the accounts.  I was told to seperate my moneis and even keep a secret account in which I was saving away from the A.  (If my A knew I was trying to save a piddly lil $1,000 he'd have taken it for drugs or another guitar).  That savings will help u with future decisons if u do end up leaving. 

Yes, he is acting ahppy all the time, they are excellent actors and Master Manipulators.  Detach from his denial, moods, feelings, issues, whims & attitudes.  The lance armstrong site has a fantastic artcile on detachment and lots of qustions to prompt u with.  REad it over and over if u have to until it begins to absorb.  Teh CAL detachment pamphlet is very good as well, get it at a meeting or online at www.al-anon.alateen.org   If u cant get to mtgs, check ours out online, the support is fantastic. 

Ive been told the book, Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drews is an excellent resource for anyone living with active addiction or dry or early recovery. 

Practise focusing on YOU and detaching with love from the A's issues/feelings.  The only person u can control or change ~ is YOU.

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
DreamXL


Senior Member

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Hi...yes as long as both your names are on the house you are one half the owner regrardless of who is paying the mortgage. :) glad your here...

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