Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> AH just wont go away and leave me in peace.
Post Info TOPIC: AH just wont go away and leave me in peace.
miss lucy


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 108
Date:
AH just wont go away and leave me in peace.
Permalink  

i am so frustrated with AH right now i could cheerfully ............  i dont know what i could cheerfully do?  
the final decision was taken by me that enough was enough as you know earlier this week.  since then AH has been a right royal pain in the you know what!!!  he has deliberately come past where i live whistling, knowing that it will make the dog bark.  he has deliberately parked himself in my neighbour opposite's garden for coffee on more than one occassion facing my way so it now looks like i am spying on him!  he has on more than one occassion verbally abused my friend who lives down a bit from me and today.....well if i hadnt seen it for my own eyes i wouldnt have believed it!!

Last night i could hear a party going on across the way from me and AH's rather loud and distinctive smokers cough rang through the air every few minutes or so.  About 2.30 this morning i heard him cough again but it sounded much nearer than before.  i was then aware of running water.......yup!  he was taking a leak up the side of my caravan!!!!!  i was enraged and disgusted but decided against going out to tackle him in the dark.  perhaps as well considering what he did this morning. 

i was sitting outside in my awning and the next thing i heard was my friend (the female one i am supposed to be having an affair with) scream at the top of her voice.  i could just see through a gap in my curtains that AH had driven his car straight at her.  luckily she was able to get out of the way in time but oh my!!!  my heart was pumping. has he gone mad?   my friend was ok but shaken and i made her a coffee while i called the police.  that was at 11am this morning.  Guess what???  no-one has been to see me yet!!!!!  They having a laugh??????   

What to do next?   i have an appointment with my solicitor next week to get the divorce under way....but i think that will just enrage him more and i really dont know how far he is going to take this!!!   i ask the camp site owner to have a word with him and he reluctantly agreed but this may have fuelled AH 's wrath even more. 

i have had all afternoon to contemplate and i am calm.  maybe AH thinks he can still bully me into going back home to him but it isnt going to work.  i remember why i left him in the first place and that gives me the determination i need to see this through.
i deserve better than this.  i am a good person.  i have a kind heart and a lot of love to give.  i am worth more than he can offer.  i have tried and tried to talk sense into him but he must like being the way he is otherwise he would change right? 

My HP is working overtime today - and i am greatful too for the knowledge and support you all give me.  hopefully my writtings give you all something back, something to relate to, and some hope for your futures. 
gilly

__________________
Charlie


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 38
Date:
Permalink  

Ms. Lucy,

You are doing what you need to do to move forward with your life.
"Talking sense to him" won't change a thing (you know that).
All we can do is control the way we react to a given situation.
I'm proud of you for not being sucked into his childish games.
You're doing good!
Hang in there and continue looking forward.


__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  



The insanity is raging girl.  It doesn't sound like you've got any protection either.
You got a constable you're able to talk with?  Can you file a Restraining Order?
the stuff you have mentioned here would get you one quite fast in my town. 
Good luck with the Solicitor and maybe they can do something right away?

((((hugs)))) smile

__________________
kitty


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2098
Date:
Permalink  

"maybe AH thinks he can still bully me into going back home to him but it isnt going to work.  i remember why i left him in the first place and that gives me the determination i need to see this through.
i deserve better than this.  i am a good person.  i have a kind heart and a lot of love to give.  i am worth more than he can offer.  i have tried and tried to talk sense into him... "-miss lucy

Yes, of course they think they can do whatver they want and no one will stop them bc theyve always gotten away with the manipulative behavior in the past.  Stcik to ur boundaries and protect YOU.  Go down to the police station and make an official complaint and take ur friend if ur serious about that, get it on record.  That way if there is a problem they can help you.  Maybe a restraining order is something to consider. 

Gettting dis-entangled from A's often can take the officials getting involved before they get it, their denial is deep!  It seemed as though mine didn't hear "no" either.

If only "talking sense" to an A worked!

You deserve more and keep focusing on what you need and want for the future.  Put the love of YOU first and make u your own first priority.  When I did that in program everything else changed fast right along with it.  Self respect is priceless and I wont ever play into manipulation again.  Take care of YOU, whatver that looks like.

__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
xeno59


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1138
Date:
Permalink  

Wow I not sure where you live but i cant fathom the police not showing up after getting a complaint of someone almost being run down by a car on purpose. I would keep calling for sure.
This sure sounds like grounds for a protective order for your friend and you. Please pursue that option. But also know with a protection order you should taken extra precautions as at times it sets off the offender to become even more violent. Do whatever you must do to protect yourself.
Sorry that you are going thru this. Sounds like your A may have bigger mental issues than just alcohol.
YOU DO DESERVE BETTER !!!! Never forget that
My prayers are with you

__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

There is no way to understand the whys of addicts.

That behavior is symptoms of their disease.

I agree, R.O. are a good one. But also keeping a "paper trail" is important. Calling the police when he is peeing on your van,trying to run over that gal, all this craziness being on record is important. Sooner or later they will get sick of you calling and maybe do something.

Your ignoring this insane behavior, not responding to the disease at all is perfect.

It sounds like a child in an adults body. If they get no attention it becomes no more fun.

I was harrassed horribly years ago by this crazy woman who was a boyfriends x. She had my mail fw. to her, turned my power and phone off, drove by my house all the time, and more. The police nor the p.o. did anything.

I had to learn to protect me and my kids. Also I never responded to her, ever.

Anyway I know how frustrated you must be. The disease hates to lose.You standing up and turning your back on it is the best thing you can do for you and for your loved one who suffers from addiction.

love,debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
China


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 8
Date:
Permalink  

I went through the same situation a few months ago. I know the feeling, but believe me once you are on your own and away from the A you will feel better and more in peace. It takes courage to move on and stop being a codependent. One day at a time. if necessary seek legal help for your own protection.

XXX,

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> AH just wont go away and leave me in peace.