The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just wanted to stop by and introduce myself. I am totally new to al-anon but I am feeling a deep need to learn how to handle the situation I am in.
I have been with my alcoholic husband for ten years. He has been sober for four of the ten years. Recently his drinking has escalated to the point where he is driving while intoxicated, staying out all night (or nearly), and missing days of work because of drinking. Things came to a head just over a week ago. He was staying away from home most nights and was going to find himself an apartment somewhere and move out of our house. One night at a bar, he ran into an old friend who helped him to have some sort of revelation. He came home the next day saying that he would stop drinking, as he'd done it before for several years and knew he could do it again. Almost as soon as those words were out of his mouth, he was saying he would "only drink a few", "never go over a six pack", "learn his limit and how to control himself". He hasn't been drunk since then but has been to the local bar once. He came home after what he claims were five beers, and he was very coherent and didn't seem drunk at all.
As I type this post, he is at the bar. He just got paid today. He keeps testing himself and I know that very soon he will fail the test. He is basically a terrific guy, or else I would have left him a long time ago. As things stand right now, I still see light at the end of the tunnel, but this could change. I don't know what to expect any more.
That's my story, in short-form. I look forward to getting to know people on this forum and to learning from you all.
Hi, I'm new to this too. Your AH sounds similar to mine. Mine has been trying to control his drinking by only have 1 once and a while, this always escalates to 2 once and awhile, to two a couple times a week, to a few several times a week to several every day which leads to a full blown out binge. He has proved this over and over again, but keeps on trying. I have recently given him an ultimatumn (I'm not suggesting this, this is just what I've done) I told him I expect him to find a recovery program and stop drinking and smoking pot withen 6 months or I will end our marriage. I am leaving the rest up to him, he is an adult and can make his own choices. I will follow through if he doesn't. When he does drink, I try to keep my mouth shut and pray for my own sanity, and seek out support, read etc... I have found this message board a very valuable source of support.
Welcome to MIP. There is a lot to learn about the disease of alcoholism. Hard to live with. The disease is cunning, baffling. It is an illusion that he can control his drinking. Alanon is for us and AA is for us.
Aloha KL...welcome to the board and I hope you check in often and read, read, read. The practicing alcoholic making promises of not drinking while drinking at all is a part of the insanity we talk about in Al-Anon. That we fell for it is also a part of that insanity. Sobriety is not when there is any form of drinking controlled or not. Sobriety is gained through total abstinence from alcohol.
Alcoholism is Cunning, Powerful and Baffling. Alcohol is his Higher Power. If he wants information regarding sobriety AA will tell him that there must be a substitution of Higher Powers...He gives up the booze for a God of his understanding.
You don't have to wait for him to change. You can change for yourself first and you can do that by joining with many of the spouses and family and friends of alcoholics at face to face Al-Anon meetings where we learn to find peace of mind and serenity whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. We also learn to substitute Higher Powers...A God of our understanding for the Alcoholic we are addicted to.
Keep coming back here and when you get to the face to face meetings look for the literature table and get as much literature about the disease as you can.
yea they have a revalation to quit drinking then talk themselves into the fact they can just "control" thier drinking and soon it's back to where it was or worse. Just try to concentrate on your program and working on you.. it's the best thing you can do for yourself
My AH did the same thing for 6 years--goes through a period of remorse where he tries to control his drinking, maybe even a few months of sobriety until he thinks he can "have just one," and maybe does, but then it's 2 and then 6 and then 12 beers, once a week, twice a week and then every day. It's a vicious cycle, but it's definitely predictable.
Like MapleMom, I laid down my ultimatum too, and am following through with it. You may not be there yet, and that's OK. If you're not in any physical danger, I think it's actually a good thing to spend some time watching this disease. See what it does to him and you and your relationship. It makes it harder to believe him when he pulls the "I can stop anytime" card. In the meantime, work your program and learn the Al-Anon skills. It will save your life.
__________________
"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
I was right. He failed last night. Came home staggering drunk from the bar. After ten years of putting up with his behavior I am just about at the end of my rope.
I found a schedule for some local Al-anon meetings and plan to attend asap because I know that I need help as much as he does, to deal with this situation properly. I've been doing things all wrong and I realize that now.
