Hi, Kellie, I'm so glad you're here. Even after 18 years of this madness, I feel woefully ill equipped to give advice. And that is not what we're supposed to do in Al Anon anyway. But I can tell you that it doesn't get better by itself, it gets worse if not treated. That's a guarantee. I don't have children of my own, but I have watched my 36-year-old stepchildren (twins) who are unable to develop and maintain lasting relationships. My daughter has been married and divorced twice already - once to a bad boy just like Dad, then to his polar opposite who was too boring. Her brother just can't give himself up to anyone, he has been hurt so badly by his Dad.

It must be very difficult to really understand the affect on kids in these situations, but they absorb a lot more than we think. My AH and their mom were divorced when they were 8, but these two will be affected for the rest of their lives. Both are in therapy, both are on medication. My heart broke for you when you spoke of your daughter...you are the only one who will make her a priority.

The more you can be doing, from my own experience comes from inside the rooms
of the Al-Anon Family Groups which saved my sanity and life when I stumbled thru
them.  Alcoholism is huge and it's not going away over night.  Consider that you
are the newest MIP member now and look back at the numbers who have come
here, registered and asked for help.  I believe it is well over 6000 now and growing.
You are not alone we have been there also.  I was born and raised within the affect
of the disease and have married both an addict and then an addict alcoholic.  I did
what I knew how to do...live within the insanity and react to it.  Alcoholics affect
everyone they come in contact with and after we are affected we also affect others.
Sounds weird?  It did to me and it is the truth.  I was crazier than a coot when I first
got into the program.

Kids are traumatized by the disease.  They don't see and understand the alcoholic
first of as a sick person and maybe in your case your daughter sees him as some
thing or one "connected to Mommy" therefore she is helpless or hopeless.  That is
what I felt and that is only a part of what drove me toward making crazy choices for
myself when I got older.   The put downs are emotional and verbal abuse regardless
of his condition and the pain is real.  She's very young.  At 10 and 11 I was running
away from home to try to escape to a quieter, secure place.  I use to isolate to find
that.

If he isn't going to find help he is in denial that he has a problem and he will bring
that home with him for sure.  He might be scared however when he drinks the
alcohol will dampen that, anestethize it and lots of other things can arise without
his or your control.  Part of that is the verbal and emotional abuse.  Since
alcoholism is a progressive disease every thing gets worse, never better.  Al-Anon
was for me and the meetings are for you too.   Look in the white pages of your
local telephone book for the hotline number for AL-ANON and call for information
and/or someone to talk to.  That is what I did and it worked.  Keep coming back
here.   (((((hugs)))))

Hi Kellie

I have just come out of a 4 year marriage where my older children 14 and 15 (from my first marriage) where affected by my ex's drinking, he was never a fall over drunk, he drank a bottle a day (spirits) sometimes he would hide the bottles
he would constantly put them down, call them names, tell them how useless and stupid they were...We all lived in absolute misery..i also have a 4 year old to this man..al anon is fantastic..I was reaching the point of a nervous breakdown..i eventually asked him to leave and if your partner does not get help things will get worse..hugs to you x

So, things have not gone well since I last posted something. Thank you everyone for the advice and things to think about. The one thing that really stuck in my head after reading everything was "Always protect the children", that really hit home last night. We were over at a friends house just having a good time, my daughter is at her dads all weekend so it was just my husband, son, and I. We were all playing the Wii and it was my turn and I had been holding our son and handed him over to my husband who had of course been drinking all day and night, but wanted to take him. Well our son was squirming around and my husband went to change the position that he was holding him and the next thing I know, there was a big thud and our son was screaming. I lost it, I just ran over and grab our son and screamed "What the f**** did you do?" My husband ran out the door and we didn't see him for about an hour. Our son is fine, but mhy husband had a wake up call. He's still drinking and everything, so I guess it wasn't that much of a wake up call :(

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Please protect your daughter. Children are so vulnerable. This constant message is going to destroy her. Emotional abuse is not acceptable for her. Praying for peace for all of you.