The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am finally to the point that I want to ask my ex-Abf to not contact me for at least a month. I probably should ask for more but that's what I can start with.
I wrote a letter earlier trying to explain how I feel and how I have a hard time telling others how I really feel...but I am trying to now. And that I need space and time to heal.
He has been sober now for 3 1/2 weeks, is going to daily meetings and working with his sponsor...he is so determined to work his program.
After breaking up with me 6 weeks ago and then falling off the wagon 4 weeks ago - Last week - he "really missed me" and tried to kiss me when I went to dinner with him and his daughter. Then this week - I haven't really heard from him.
He can't give me the attention that I want and deserve. And I can't ask him to - he has got to put his recovery first...
But man, it was hard to write the things that I know I need to say. I wish I could say them but I know I won't be as clear and I would probably cry throughout.
I hate feeling like I am adding to his burdens - but as I have read over and over here - I have to learn to set boundaries for me and my actions do not make him choose drink, smoke pot or do crack.
(((speck))) Congrats on the strength it took to write that letter. its funny, i am trying to write down my feelings for my exA(denial)BF - he has been asking to get back together so i am trying to find the right words to tell him that i can't/won't. I know it is hard, but sometimes it is the best way to communicate something emotional. I don't have any ESH for you yet - its taking me hours to try to figure out my letter, but congrats on making it though this step for you!
Say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it mean. That's all you can do. His reaction to what you have to say is out of your hula hoop. Take care of you. Just as he needs to put his recovery first, so DO YOU!
Be gentle with yourself and take care of you!
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I took the letter to his house this morning...I wasn't sure if he would still be there but I decided that I would either leave it on his door or hand it to him.
I mentioned that I wanted to talk about these things earlier in the week but he hasn't had the time to really talk - so I put it in a letter.
I hope he honors my requests...but no matter what I am super determined to keep my boundaries!
Fest - good luck writing...I completely understand where you are. And I always end up saying hard things in a letter because I am able to get them out clearly - many times I will write one and then sit down to talk about the letter with someone. Blessings!
Mandy - I like the hula hoop imagery. That is all I CAN control, thank you for that reminder!
