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I have been thinking about what to do with my A son for quite some time now. The other morning I woke up early and I had somehow made a decision in my sleep (answer from HP) that he needs to go, sober or not, for my own sanity. Now, he really doesn't give me any grief but I just cannot continue watching him go down this path with no program in sight. There are other things involved which, I guess, do cause me grief but I mean there is no violence or arguing or bad language....things like that. Also, he doesn't live in the same dwelling with me so I really don't know what he is doing in his place.....oh yeah, his place that he no longer pays any rent or utilities. He is collecting unemployment and does pay his child support. They are my grandchildren and him paying support surely is more important than him paying me rent. I know it won't be like that when he moves out if he doesn't get a job right away. I think that is part of the reason I hate throwing him out.
Well, of course you know I have made this threat to him before and not followed through on it. Maybe I was trying to force solutions. After I would make the threat he would start on the solutions. Last night he went to a meeting. He has not had anything to drink in a couple of days. He is trying to do everything right until I guess he thinks I am going to change my mind again.
I swear that this time is strictly for my sanity. I want my own life back. I love him so much but I don't want to be involved with an adult son on a daily basis. His life is in shambles right now and I don't want to help and I don't want to watch.
My fear is that the date will come and he will have not found somewhere to go. God, I don't know if I have the strength to say....GO! For now I am just going to believe that if God brought me to it, He will get me through it.
How tough for you - I do believe sometimes setting those boundaries are harder for US than it is for them!!
Will be saying lots of prayers and sending out good thougths for you to have the strength, courage and wisdom to follow thru with what your God is leading you to do!!
HUGS, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
((((Hi Gail))) I understand your pain and anxiety Please remember the program asks us to live one day at a time and not to project.
You made a decision to ask your son to leave . He in turn is actings as if he is in recovey and he thinks that will change your mind and he will be able to stay.
You have taken the action now let go of the results.
Pray each day for guidance, Let go and Let God and just keep showing up for your own life ODAT
I will also hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 18th of March 2010 04:15:29 PM
Only you can make this decision for yourself, but I do think you need to be prepared to follow through on whatever you say. We moved my son to a half way house at one point and told him he had to come up with the money to stay there or at least work it out with the house. That actually worked pretty well, he began to take more responsibility and it got him closer to his meetings. If you want to feel better about his leaving, you might want to check out a couple of places. Most any AA 12 Step House or Alano Club can put you onto a few places. Not saying it's in any way your responsibility, but it might ease the transition for you to be able to move him to a stable environment.
I too feel your pain My son lived with us and no he wasn't violent or mean etc but our lives were in chaos still just watching him slide father into his addiction everyday. He has been on probabtion for almost 2 year ( it was a 1 year probation) and refuses to follow it. So I started turning him in to his PO they would come get him, he would spend a while in jail attend meetings tell us how he has finally learned his lesson and is going to work the program etc. So when they would release him we would once again bring him home. The last time we told him if we had to turn him in again there was no more coming home. Of course he did what addicts do and went out and got high. We turned him in and the judge gave him a 6 month sentence in the jail rehab unit. I worried myself into the ground wondering where he was going to live when he got out.... but I did find a sober living house for which we will secure him a living place until he is on his feet. If he chooses again not to follow the program then thats totally on him and he will have to deal with the consequenses. Believe me when I tell you that we love our son more that anything and my husband and I cry and pray over this everday. However we can't watch him kill himself slowly everyday. My prayers are with you
This is so hard on you. I can't imagine having to make that decision. Someone gave me this when I was struggling. I go back to it when I'm really stuck. Hope this helps. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers."
Rainer Maria Rilke Letter to a Young Poet
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
