The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A week ago, I was talking to my sponsor about how to pray, what to ask for, etc, as sometimes I feel like I'm doing it wrong because I wasn't getting anything out of it. She suggested to ask God for a sign that he is there for me, guiding me. So I prayed on that the past week.
Yesterday, I had a horrendous day at work, cried all the way home. Just felt like crawling in a hole and not coming out. But it was my Monday meeting night, so I headed out to the meeting. Since starting Al-anon, I have been using my driving time to pray and reflect. But this time, I was just so upset I couldn't even think, so I turned on the radio for the first time in like 6 months. The song playing at that moment had the lyrics "I'm falling to pieces". I thought, well if that's some sort of sign, it's not very uplifting. Then the next song came on, and the lyrics were "when it gets too much, I'll be right beside you". My jaw dropped. Hello, sign. I could hardly believe it, but it certainly helped me to think that I will get through this mess with His help.
The other thing I have been praying about and trying to practice, is turning my AH over to God, stepping aside so that He can work His plan. Well, when I got home from my meeting, I found my (non religious, non AA member) AH having had some kind of spiritual awakening. He said he has found God and knows that only He can lift him out of this mess he is in, and for the first time ever he apologized for what he has put me through, and took ownership of his mistakes, whereas before he would deny any of this was his fault. I know he still has a long road ahead of him, but now I can see that it is the path he is supposed to take, without my interference.
It was quite the spiritual evening, I have never had any experience like that before.
Hi Allison. I know your feeling. My AH thought he was his own "god" until he finally surrendered himself and for them to accept that there really is a HP is a major positive change in them.
That is truly amazing, and yes it's our HP at work- It goes to show that although we cannot cure them, if we really do work our program we will see results around us....and the addict usually senses that positive change in us too no matter how they may react themselves.....but they do! Lets keep working on our serenity and let that HP do his work....the results for our serenity are definitley a little better when we "let go and let God". Keep coming back :) ((hugs for you!))
