The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Hello, I'm new to Alanon but not the effects of alcohol in my marriage to my AH.
Have been reading here and can relate to far too many of the frustrations and sadness and...the list goes on and on.
Long story short...I'm tired of it. I know that I cannot change, cure nor control him...and his lying is pissing me off, his drinking has gone underground and he drinks alone...and thinks this is "normal" and ...I think most of you already know the whole story as far as that goes.
Today....was another day for me, that confirmed again how obviously huge the problem is...and as such, I poured the beers out..crushed the cans returned them to his fridge....and the crap will hit the fan later when he gets home. I don't care. Been there and done that...so what?
Also..soy sauce found its way into his whiskey bottle and now...I have left the rum bottle to Doctor....Then...I will waste more money to buy another case of beer to throw under the bed sheets and let him *think* about it...like it will make a crap's worth of difference.. It won't.
I hate this disease and I want to beat the living bejeezus out of my husband for not having the will power to put the bottle down.
My h is undiagnosed borderline and the alcohol is his choice of self medication...yes HIS CHOICE...I know that. Doesn't make it any easier.
I'm just really frustrated. This is not "marriage"....married to his addiction was not what I bargained for when I said I do ten years ago...and it's been getting worse. .
Thanks for being out there
__________________
If you make, first do no harm, your Law, you will never strike the first blow and will be known as a man of peace who can fight like ten tigers, a Human in the act of Being. There is no greater rank than this.
Ashida Kim on War
Welcome to MIP. My bf drank for many years and quit years ago. I can relate to what you are going through. I have poured out beer cans which really was a waste of time because he would just buy more but I was so upset about his drinking, that's what I did.
I don't have words of wisdom. Just wanted to welcome you.
Welcome and glad you are here. Many of us have had similar experiences - feelings of anger and hatred for the drinker, the desire to obliterate alcohol. We get to that point where we've had enough. For many, that's also the time we turn to alanon.
When I was at that point, I had turned the odd "pour it out" to a room by room search that I did every night. I could have gotten a job as jail warden! I was nuts. His addiction was stronger than my will.
So now what? You have arrived at "I've had enough", but what's next? I would highly recommend face to face alanon meetings and checking out what the 12 steps might offer you before doing anything else. You will find a lot of supportive, caring people. You may find a way to handle your life and get past the effects of alcohol.
Buick23, your BF quit...what brought that on. Not that anything ever gets through to my husband , not in his previous marriage and obviously not ours.
Rocky....feelings of anger and hatred for the drinker, the desire to obliterate alcohol. We get to that point where we've had enough. For many, that's also the time we turn to alanon. I don't hate him, I loathe what alcohol brings out in him...kind of a thing. It certainly does kill the love...that's for sure.
Nothing I can do about it....and I have no desire whatsoever to enable this garbage.
__________________
If you make, first do no harm, your Law, you will never strike the first blow and will be known as a man of peace who can fight like ten tigers, a Human in the act of Being. There is no greater rank than this.
Ashida Kim on War
Aloha Dragon. Pardon me but LOL...Soy Sauce in her wiskey bottle!! I never tried that one...hmmmm I wonder if?? I almost killed my alcoholic on a number of occasions and it only made her drink more while admitting that it was her fault so I don't think she would have slowed up for the soy sauce but maybe went out for sashimi too. LOL.
You are in the right place at the right time with the right people for the right reasons and we are right here to support you. Even as a group we cannot control or cure your alcoholic. Alcoholism is an incurable disease. He either gets sober or goes more insane and dies. You wouldn't think of hammering on him if he was diabetic or had cancer. Alcoholism is as real as both of those yet more cunning, powerful and baffling.
Let go of all of your possible solutions for now and hang with MIP for the next 90 days on a daily basis. Also get the hotline number for the local Al-Anon district in your area and call for meeting places and times and other you can talk to. Getting face to face with others who have your experiences and the solutions will help drag you out of your condition and improve your life beyond you wildest dreams whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Plus you can use your creativity on getting healthier rather than another use for soy sauce. When you get to the face to face meetings get as much literature as you can and read it all and listen, learn and practice what the happier members are doing.
(((((In support, Hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 14th of March 2010 04:35:07 PM
I can absolutely understand your frustration and anger and sense of despair. Many alcoholics have a dual diagnosis. My ex A had very big health problems, a DSM diagnosis of mental problems and a huge drug addiction. I don't doubt he used drugs to medicate. He did have other choices and he chose not to make them.
I've definitely been in the place where I monitored and tried to control what the ex A did. He took his drugs in the shed behind our duplex. I did not have a key for it. I went to that shed many a time and destroyed stuff, he replenished it.
At a certain point in our relationship I stopped drinking with him socially as I felt that enabled him in some way. I never brought beer into the house again. He still drank.
I was certainly hooked up to an addiction the problem was and is that I became pretty ill too. I'm three years plus out of the relationship I'm still very much affected by it. Somedays I can't imagine how I lived through much of it.
When I first approached al anon many years ago I felt a frustration that it wasn't all about changing the alcoholic. That was my mission in life to change him to make it possible for him to nuture and love and be a partner to me. When I got desperate enough I came here and let the program work on me. You can come here any time of the day (to the chat room) and talk and share how your life is, that is a companion for you. The program has many many tools that help. There are lots of recomendations across these pages and at the top of this board. There is help.
