"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Acatnip · Veteran Member

Shell shocked and Brokenhearted

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Acatnip,

The following link will take you to the Al-Anon World Service site to a page discussing Al-Anon's legacies. The first item listed there is the 12 Steps. Just click on it and you can read them.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/legacies.html

You may have to copy and paste that address.

Also on the site once you have read the steps if you click on home up in upper right of page you can find a link on how to find a meeting.

Most meetings have literature you can pick up and you can also purchase it online from the wso's web site.

Glad you are reaching out to Al-anon, Acatnip, it has helped me so much the last 6 years.

Peace be with you,
David

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad you found us.....

There are dozens of sites on the Internet to find the 12 steps and 12 traditions of Al-Anon - the one David sent you, as well as: http://www.cyber-key.com/mj/12&12.html

We all kind of arrive at this place in similar ways - most of us cannot believe how our life has taken such a turn.... Finding us is a great first step, towards choosing recovery for YOU.

Take care
Tom

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

I wanted to welcome you and say I responded to ur thread in PM private message.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Catnip...welcome and stay close to this family. Here is where your life will
change for the best if you're willing to do what others have done when they
discovered they were where you are at right now. Don't dispair cause it will get
much much better for you. (((((hugs))))) smile

Acatnip · Veteran Member

I cannot believe this is happening. I have been so careful. Raised by Alcoholics, married to one for 11 years. Stayed single for 12 years because of it.
He hid it well as I told him from our first date it was a deal breaker for me. Now the cat is out of the bag and he admitted he has tried quiting at least 5 times in the last 5 months and cannot. He just could not hide it when it came to us living together in the past two months.
I plan on leaving as I cannot tolerate living with an active alcoholic. If he seeks help, good for him. I do not have so much invested, other than my heart and dreams that I cannot walk away.
I have now found where he has hidden the bottles and is smuggling them in and out of the house.

tlcate · Senior Member

Hello Catnip!

Welcome to MIP. I am sorry you are going through this - but I am glad you found us. Can't say much more than the other wonderful member here have.

Please keep coming back. We understand.

tlc

wildthang86 · Senior Member

Welcome to MIP! We are here for you and will give you support, as you can see. Read others posts and you will see that you are not alone. Good luck to you on your new journey, to serenity.

Yours in recovery,
wildthang86

Acatnip · Veteran Member

Well, right or wrong, I told him tonight he did not have to continue sneaking around with the bottles. He fully admits he has a problem and I do not think the guilt of sneaking helps any.
He tells me he has cut way back , and he has, but knows he must stop forever and never touch it again. But so far, no steps towards recovery.
He says that not knowing where our relationship is going is adding to his stress and makes him want alcohol more. Nice try, but I just told him that if he continues to drink, it is 100% gaurantee that I am out of here. If he stops, maybe 50/50.

essgee1952 · Veteran Member

I wish I had known what you know now 18 years ago. We married (at his insistence) quickly after we met - second marriage for me, third for him - and I was determined to make it work and prove all my friends wrong who thought we were rushing things. With no prior experience with family alcoholism, it took me a long time to come to grips with reality, and now I'm struggling to find a way out and trying not to be bitter about the 18 lost years of my life.

Bottom line, I hear your anguish and disappointment and hope you have the strength to do what you know you must for your own sanity and future. Good luck.

John · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((safe hug)))))))))))))

My heart goes out to you. I understand that this is a very hard time. Do what you have to do to take care of your own well being and "YOU" will be alright, no matter what the alcoholic in your life does or doesn't do. I truly believe it is sad that so many find out what they have gotten into with a relationship, after the fact... after the wedding. On the other hand, it may be the greatest gift you will ever recieve if you work this program and learn how to truly let go and Let God.

John

Acatnip · Veteran Member

It is just such a rollercoaster of emotions. I have never shed so many tears in my life. I know what I must do for my sake and it makes me so sad. The potential for sucha wonderful life has slipped right thru my fingers. I lost a childhood to that, another marriage to also.

He is quite honest about his addiction, I think. He never says he can quit anytime, he admits to being powerless over that. He admits to using the alcohol to get relief from pain. He reports that when he tries, he is racked with so much pain, physical and mental, that he cannot sleep.

Hoping for a better day today and trying to get to a meeting, maybe tonight.

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

"I cannot believe this is happening. I have been so careful. Raised by Alcoholics, married to one for 11 years. Stayed single for 12 years because of it.
He hid it well as I told him from our first date it was a deal breaker for me."-acatnip

Unfortunately this is like an invitation for an A b/c they think they can get over on us and that we will put up with more of the same. I found that A's watch, wait, hone, groom thier enablers very carefully. They wont stick to the consequences of boundaries, we need to. Take ur time in deciding what to do regarding life altering decisions.

I agree with John, working this program and getting serenity and to HP/god is the greatest gift of all, work it b/c u are worth it! Know we are here for you.

ythannah · Senior Member

Acatnip wrote:

He hid it well as I told him from our first date it was a deal breaker for me.

Welcome, acatnip!

Much like you, I had a horror of alcoholism from having grown up with A parents, and most of my serious relationships were with complete non-drinkers because of that.

My last two relationships were with men who were in recovery, but lied to me about the strength of their sobriety. My latest XABF had originally claimed 10 years sober when we met (sounds pretty good, huh?); eventually he confessed that he had relapsed regularly during that time, and as recently as 3 weeks before our first date.

I often wondered if those men chose me for ME, or because they knew I was ACoA and therefore more likely to put up with their drinking?

Eventually I had to accept that I needed my own recovery program because I had been affected by alcoholism in very profound ways.

Acatnip · Veteran Member

Well, I went to my first meeting last night. Still trying to process the process, you might say.

AH tells me this morning we need to wipe the slate clean and start fresh because he did not drink last night. Big Whoop.

I did get a job, start Wednesday. As much as I want a job, it is sad because it is a means to leave him if he does not seek help.

intothewoods · Veteran Member

"Nice try, but I just told him that if he continues to drink, it is 100% gaurantee that I am out of here. If he stops, maybe 50/50."

This really resonated with me. I'm going to legally separate from my AH in May, and this perfectly sums up how I feel about the future.

Thanks! :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"