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WOW... Been Working on some "inner" step 4 work here of late, and have realized something about MY Addictions... At times I have had often wondered exactly "What" my addictions are... I know that Alcohol & Drugs are of course an addiction but "other" things also...
Computers....... for me is one, When I am bored I sit in front of this thing sometime for Hours in the office doing "Meaningless" things just to pass time... Making myself recently aware of this, I now know that it is time to get my Butt outside more, and find things more Brain Stemulating then playing games on the computer... "My Awareness" is better Spoken Out Loud, so I don't go back in to "Brushing it under the Rug" Deny what it is I am becoming aware of ...
People............For me can be another one, I have learned that once I get into a pattern of things, I tend to stay there till I am completely "Fizzled" out because I have out stayed my welcome (In my Mind), and at times forget that "I" have a life of my own... And Slowly slip back into old habits, and start living for Others instead of myself... "Great Awareness" to have when you are so wrapped in otheres you can't figure out your own life...But At times... I think I can figure out YOURs...
At my F2F the other night, one of the ladys was speaking and said... "Then It Dawned on Me.... "I" am responsible for MY Happiness, NOT the other person, & "I" am responsible of MY Serenity, No One can take it, if "I Choose" to Keep it, "I" am the Only one that HAS that CONTROL"....
Well I sat there & didn't speak that meeting, I felt more of a Desire to SIT & Be Still, and be a Sponge at the ESH that was being shared, and it was great...Just what I needed to hear, and were I needed to be at that moment....And Admitting that "I" am Souly responsible for MY Happiness/Serenity/ Peace... Yeah... Needed to know that...
Food.......... For me is yet another addiciton... I can sit sometimes and eat and not even remember that I had done so, because I "Walked Thru" the Kitchen, and well... Ya Just Have to Grab Something... This one I have been working on for some time now, the snow slowly leaving, has been a great blessing in that I can now go outside and move around a little more, and once "daylight savings time" hits and It is not dark at 5:30, that will be yet ANOTHER Blessing on this addition...Diabietes is Strong in my Family & I am Borderline myself, so again... Need to get a HUGE handle on this one...
Pets.... Another one... I Love ALL 4 legged creatures, and I have 3 pups & a cat in my home, my dogs are like my children, "YET" they are not disaplend as you would a child and they get away with ALOT MORE... The addiction in them is the Kisses, and the love that i tend to rely on.... I would have to say that I have even put "Expections" on my Dogs...lol...And have been crushed when I didn't get the love i was looking for on some levels..lol..., Yay.. I know... I'm Ill...But again.. I'm working on it...
Work... Can for me at times turn into an addiction of sorts... I mean I guess I have to go to work if I want to eat, but there are times I allow it to completely get under my skin, and STEAL... My Serenity... (HInts) Now I say... "I Allow" it too... before it was just its fault... See... Thats Progress ...
Addictions for me are coming out of the wood work, in looking at step 4... Excepting Change is another tough one for me, I mean reality tells you, without change we couldn't move forward, but in my heart, at times I think I just Want to be Comfortable in something for more then a week... lol..
I think back to when I was a child, before my Afathers addictions started taking over our lives, at how I could climb up in my apple tree sometimes for HOURS, and just dream of the prince coming to rescue me for my "Happily Ever After, or the apple pie I knew mom was making that day, or counting the cars that would go by and see how many would pass by the time I left my tree...lol... We lived on a back road, and to a 5-8 yr old, that was a good time :) I just remember the Calm, and Serenity that I felt at those times. Listening to the Birds Chirp, and mimicing them, listen to the wind blow thru the tree, and the dancing of the flowers when the wind blew... and wish at times, I could go back to that child and just have No Change... Have No Drama Per-say, that I had to deal with or worry with, I could just be... I know that I can't just Hibernate the rest of my life away, nor do I have that desire, however, there are times, that I wish I could... Times when the "wolf" is pounding at that door, and ya just don't want to answer because you know whats on the other side isn't going to be as enjoyable as the moment before that knock....
Al-Anon, has really helped me Look at these things, and pull them out of the dark closet I have been hiding them in... Do i regret some of my addtions, YEPPERS...Do I wish I had More control... Yep again :) What I am Now tryin to Except is How to Get my Control back, after being in hiding all these years... I know that with the tools & steps of Al-anon, I will get were I need to be, because not only do I have a Wonder Support Group, My HP ROCKS :) And he has carried me for some time, but I am now thinking... It is time for me to Walk, and gives his back a rest for a while Just knowing that My HP is there for me, loving me Only as I Am, and not for who HP wishes me to be, but yet guiding me to a place that I am at times Scared & Shackin, but know when the road ends, HOPE is waiting for me, LOVE is always there, and that My Belief in My Own Ability is Key... Knowing that HP will see me thru, sure has been a Blessing to me...
And tho I haven't been to church in a long time, I have NOW in My Life, Found that I am Closer NOW to HP (To which I call GOD) then I have EVER been in my life, Not because of a Church, but because of AL-Anon, and the Wonderful, Beautiful, People that have held my hand, and guided Me to this truly blessed Life... :)
Sorry so Long, Heart/Feelings never seems to have an Off Button with me :) I guess we will add that to My Addictions as well...lol
Thanks MIP for Being here & being a Part of this Journey ;) Love, Hugs & Prayers to you all...
Jozie
-- Edited by Jozie on Wednesday 10th of March 2010 01:33:44 PM
The following quote from your posting rang so true for me
Jozie Said
"And tho I haven't been to church in a long time, I have NOW in My Life, Found that I am Closer NOW to HP (To which I call GOD) then I have EVER been in my life, Not because of a Church, but because of AL-Anon, and the Wonder, Beautiful, People that have held my hand, and guided Me to this truly blessed Life... :)"
So good to hear your ESH again Your honesty and clarity enrich me.
Thanks for your share. I too am looking forward to the longer warmer days
Before Ihad boundaries (which lets face it was most of my life) I never knew when to go home. Of course for me home has always been associated with drama and pain. I can well understand that without boundaries many many relationships go on overwhelm. For once these days I don't beat myself to a pulp that I have issues (more than I can handle). I try to work on them daily and let go of what is ahead of me. I also know that I no longer live day and night in fear and obsession and I am very grateful for that. Maresie.
Jozie!! another SEARCHING, FEARLESS AND MORAL inventory. That's working on you very good. I can use this post of yours for direction also. Thanks for the guidance. ((((hugs))))
"Then It Dawned on Me.... "I" am responsible for MY Happiness, NOT the other person, & "I" am responsible of MY Serenity, No One can take it, if "I Choose" to Keep it, "I" am the Only one that HAS that CONTROL"....
This spoke to me...rang a bell!!! Thanks for your share..
Don't forget to look at the good you have in you too!! Your shares show a lot of it.
Jozie - what a great post and a marvelous share! There are several items that 'spoke to me', and you've given me reason to pause and think!
I too appreciate your share, and your honesty + ESH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I thank you for the reminder that addiction is not about a substance. The object of our addiction is simply a symtom of it. It can be about anything that changes the way I feel about me, you, the world around us, or the God of my understanding. If it stands the chance of separating ME from Self, I can become addicted to it.
Without a doubt, I'm addicted to recovery. Just watch and there are visible changes I go through when I don't get to my meetings, talk to my sponsor, work with my sponsee's, read some literature, and pray on a daily basis. I become irriatible, restless and discontent.
It's an addiction I don't have to fear ending up in jail for. It actually improves the quality of my relationships, not destroys them. It brings me to a place of honesty, instead of dishonesty...
I love this addiction! So, I came here to get another hit of HOPE.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
.. I'm Ill...But again.. I'm working on it... 
Just knowing that My HP is there for me, loving me Only as I Am, and not for who HP wishes me to be, but yet guiding me to a place that I am at times Scared & Shackin, but know when the road ends, HOPE is waiting for me, LOVE is always there, and that My Belief in My Own Ability is Key... Knowing that HP will see me thru, sure has been a Blessing to me... 
