The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I think the reality is hitting my AH that I am leaving in May after I graduate. He's drinking more and more every night and spiralling down into deep depression.
It is a very hard thing to watch, knowing I am powerless.
But then again, knowing I am powerless is freeing too. I didn't cause this and I can't fix it, so all I can do is be there with compassion. If I caused it, then I would be obligated to try and fix it or I would feel guilty.
But I DIDN'T cause it... so no guilt and no urge to fix it. Does that make sense?
It's a very hard thing to watch the man I love let himself get sucked down into a pit of despair, but at the same time, I know I have to leave for ME, and I'm 100% OK with my decision.
Every time he tries to share with me how sad he is I just think "He's trying to hand it over to me." And I just nod and say how, yes, it's hard, and I love him. I hand his problem right back to him. It's not mine to carry.
I am so glad I have school right now to take up 99% of my brain power and time. Otherwise, I might not be able to do this. But it is what it is.
It's hard, and it's sad, and I love him. I know that, once I'm out of this relationship, it will all come crashing down on me and I'll cry for like a week. But right now, I have to be strong.
For both of us.
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"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
It sounds like you are ~ taking care of YOU whatver that looks like. Yes, it is hard but later down the road, you will see many more good things happening for you bc u stood up for yourself and made these very difficult changes. I too had boundary out people that I loved bc for wtvr reason, it wasnt good for me to be around them anymore. It was hard. When we tear things down, we can then build them up again and new things will take the place.
All I wanted was to be healthy and have a healthy life. Today, that picture is much closer to that goal, thankfully. All the hard work Ive done for myself, has paid off. The love of self and program - is a gift that keeps on giving. Way to work it ~ for YOU.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Bravo to you for holding onto your boundary and detaching with love. I know it's hard. Your courage, strength and hope really shines through in your post.
Wow, Intothewoods! You're an inspiration to me, as I fervently hope to achieve that level of acceptance and compassionate detachment when it comes to alcoholism some day.
I did find that throwing myself into schoolwork helped to ease the breakup from a past ABF, partly because it was a goal purely for ME and allowed me to focus on myself. (I probably wouldn't feel as strongly about a less "noble" goal, as I do struggle with self-worth.)
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
The hardest thing we do is to watch the people we love succumb to this disease. You have learned how to detach with love. You have stayed on your path to recovery. You're right, there will come a time & point where it will all come out. That's okay. It's cathartic. So when it comes, let it come.
"Crying only a little bit is of now use. You must cry until your pillow is soaked. Then you can get up and laugh." Or in some cases, smile. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
intothewoods, you've made so much progress! I'm with you on how hard it is to watch someone you love falling down into the pit. But you're so right that we can't change it. I KNOW that but still sometimes have difficulty accepting it. As yhannah said, you are an inspiration! Thanks for this post.
sometimes I have to take things one single day at a time. When I was making the plan be to leave the ex A his life was crashing around him. I had to focus on the plan be. I have no doubt he knew I was no longer obsessed with him, rather no longer as obsessed with him because its taken me years to let go....
I also had no gauge to see the disease of alcoholism and the opportunities there were for the ex a to recover if he wanted to. The truth is he didn't want to.
