Still at a loss as to what to do - Al-Anon Family Group

Tattyhead · Senior Member

Still at a loss as to what to do

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

HI Tish

I am so sorry that your family is experiencing this pain. It is good to know you have concerned neighbors but I can understand your frustration and deep concern. My sons neighbors would do the same.

I just wanted to assure you that I found the medical profession were very understanding when treating my son for alcoholism THey were kind and understanding. THey never lectured (like I did) but tried to encourage him in a positive way. His doctor made visits to his home, gave B12 shots and other meds that would enable him to eat, and a RX for a detox med.

Maybe your husband would consider going if he thought the Dr would address his inability to eat.

I am holding you both in my prayers.

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 3rd of March 2010 06:58:06 PM

ythannah · Senior Member

Tatty, I don't mean to alarm you, but you are describing my mother's appearance about 6 weeks before she passed.

I kept looking for signs of yellow too, but she was always that awful grey colour, right up until she died. She had the emaciation as well; she went from "painfully thin" to "skin over a skeleton" seemingly overnight.

A doctor would want to check his liver enzymes to gauge his liver function, maybe even an endoscope to look for esophageal varices (burst varices caused a lot of blood loss for my mother, and she never recovered).

I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Can't you go to the family doctor and discuss the issue they will be able to tell you what they can and can't do.

maresie.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Tatty...When I finally accepted the first step it was then that I understood that
not only I was powerless...so was everyone else who was trying to do for my alcoholic
what she wouldn't do for herself. We say in the other program that "God can and will
if He is sought". If He is not sought then... Also holding you and the alcoholic in
my thoughts and prayers.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Hi Tatty,

So sorry you and AH are going through this.

My AH also became very ill. There were times where he wanted medical help - for breaks, seizures etc. But there were also times where he completely withdrew from medical care. Before his last period of sobriety, my AH was the worst I had seen him. I felt certain that this might be a last downward spiral for him. I felt really worried and took my worries to my groups, HP and my sponsor. All reminded me of my powerlessness. They were right and it felt terrible. My powerlessness however didn't mean that I had to stay silent. I did let my hubby know how much I cared for him, loved him and that I feared for his life. He came to me that night and said that he felt death was imminent. He used those exact words. I said that I agreed and that I didn't want to lose him. I offered again to take him to hospital and he refused. The next morning he went into his last withdrawal and stayed sober for 6 weeks before his last relapse. He passed away in January.

I know how hard it is to accept that you do not own your husband's choice about getting medical care. I found it one of the most difficult things to accept as well. Others in alanon have told me that all of us have the right, the human dignity, to live and die as we chose. What is difficult, is that the late stage alcoholic becomes so impaired, and we wonder if they have the ability to make an informed choice anymore. My own experience is that when I forced care, my AH did dry out, did feel better fir a time, but it did not stick, and it robbed him, us, of the dignity for him to make his own choices.

The hope in this for me is that, although I miss him deeply. I am so glad that he no longer suffers.

I will pray to HP for you and your AH tatty.

Hugs, Rocky

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

I hear your pain and totally understand your fear and frustration. My AH is also in the throes of his alcoholism at this time. He was sober for a week. I am also greatly afraid that this is the last one for him. I am trying desperately to leave him alone but it is
horrible. I hate going to work, I hate going home, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I am so glad that you still have neighbors who are concerned. Mine don't call him, check on him or anything else (and the neighbor across the alley is his brother). I read the last
post and decided that I needed to respond to you. My AH has had shorter and shorter time frames of sobriety. He started this one over a week ago. The scariest is that I am leaving for a week's vacation tomorrow. I'm scared to go, I'm scared to stay. I have tried telling myself that he is in the hands of our HP and I have to let go. It wouldn't matter if I stayed anyway. I'll pray for you and your AH and I hope that he
can find the strength to kick this horrible disease that destroys everything in its path.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.