I am coming up to three years from when I moved out from the ex A.  For a full year or more after that I remined enmeshed and totally involved with him on many levels (i.e. he took up every minute of my time and more).  Now after three good years of al anon and not living with him I can see that there were many many signs early on he was absolutely self destructive and blamed everyone but himself.  I was wiling to take on that blame and anger and chaos.  It took total destruction and waves and waves of chaos and complete sucidal behavior for me to get out.

I know denial was part of it, familiarity was another (I was the scapegoat as a child). Al anon has helped me to a measure of self preservaton I never had.  I also have to watch very very closely the associations I make.  I move very carefully around anyone with a drug or alcohol problem, I watch carefully for signs that I used to ignore.

I  cannot condem myself for the choices I made I can only make better choices today and make a better life for myself.

Maresie.